Dear Pastor,

I am 58 and married for the last 20 years. I have five children with my husband. He runs his own business and I am in charge of mine. We are doing well and the children are doing well.

My husband is always complaining about my jealousy. I know I am a little jealous but he is always flirting with women. A few days ago, we had a little argument and my husband admitted that he likes young girls and that sometimes he cheats on me. He told me that he always uses a condom and he would never leave me.

It took me days to get over what he said. I asked him why he told me, because I would have preferred not to know anything. He said he is tired of talking to me about doing certain things to improve my appearance and I am not doing them.

My husband has told me many times that I should do a facelift but I told him no, so he mentioned the facelift again. I am a Christian and I don't believe that it is right for me to do a facelift. I told him so and then I told him that I could not spend my money to change my appearance.

He became very upset, he said, "I don't like the way you look so do a facelift". The following morning, before he left for work he wrote a cheque for $100,000 and gave it to me and told me to go to the doctor and ask him how much it will cost to do a facelift and to touch up certain areas of my body. I have not gone.

I am asking you to give me your advice. Why can't my husband accept me as I am? Do you believe that it is right for me as a Christian to do a facelift?

W.L.

Dear W.L,

Whether or not you should do a facelift is not your husband's decision. It is solely yours, and your husband should only make suggestions and not make any demands of you. You are his wife, but you are a mature woman. You are not a little child who carries out the instruction of his or her parents. Some people have done such operations and the surgeons have turned out well, other have not. So, I repeat, that decision is solely yours.

I am glad that your husband has told you the truth after years of playing around with other women. I am also glad that you have forgiven him. He wants you to have a young girl look and he is willing to pay for the operation. Frankly, you might consider your husband to be selfish, but nothing is wrong in doing cosmetic surgery. The request from him is not unreasonable, but he should not demand it of you. On the other hand, you should use common sense. I suggest that you go and discuss the matter with a surgeon.

Pastor