Dear Pastor,

This is the second time I am writing to you about my wife. I don't know if you had answered my first letter, but I didn't see it in the paper. I met my wife when she was two months pregnant. The man who got her pregnant wasn't treating her well, so I told her to forget about him and come live with me. After she had the baby, we got married. We have been married now for over 17 years.

She has not been behaving herself. She calls me names and she tells me every time we have a little fuss that I am her biggest mistake. I took this woman when she had nothing. I worked hard. We registered the child in my name.

One day we had an argument and in front of the child my wife said, "I told you not to harass the child because she is mine and not yours", and that she was sorry that she had registered the child in my name. My temper rose because I was sending the child to school and treating her well and never did I mention to her that I was not her biological father.

I must give credit to the child because she has never been rude to me, but I had to explain to her what happened when I just met her mother. Imagine me explaining to this young girl how she is carrying my name and that I am not her biological father.

Then the girl shocked me by saying to me that her mother was always talking about a certain man and she suspected that the man was her father and sometimes the man gave my wife money.

My wife has been giving me bun with this man. This girl has become very close to me and it is because of her that I have not asked my wife to leave, but we have stopped sleeping together and I don't know how long I can continue living like this. I don't trust her at all. Kindly give me your advice.

E.S,

Dear E.S,

I have received many letters from men who have been disappointed by women after becoming intimate with them while they were pregnant and registering the children in their names. Evidently, when these women were faced with the financial challenge of preparing for the birth of the children, etc, were glad to receive help from men who were willing to help them, including giving them shelter. The relationship that many of these women have had with the men cannot be described as a love relationship.

I believe that when you met this woman you believed she was genuine and perhaps that she loved you. But as the years went by, you realised that you were wrong. You meant well, but she didn't. Circumstances caused her to accept your offer, but she has never stopped loving the man who got her pregnant and dissed her.

She wanted her daughter to know that you were not her biological father, so she used the argument to disrespect you. She is an ungrateful woman, but whatever she is doing will backfire on her because you have treated the child well and the child knows exactly what is going on and will tell you.

Stay close to this child; she loves you. You are the only father she knows. Nothing her mother says will cause her to change her mind against you. I suggest that if this woman will go with you to see a family counsellor that you should do so as early as possible. She cannot expect you to be happy and to be sleeping with her. She is a dangerous woman.

Pastor.