Dear Pastor,

I am 23 and have a boyfriend. He is twice my age, but I love him. He is proud of me. He is of a light complexion. His family is also of a light complexion. He is in a managerial position. He was the one who employed me. The moment I started working, I realised that he loved me and that I was in love with him, too. We had not even said that to each other, but he knew that I loved him and I knew that he loved me. So one day when I had to go into his office on business, I slipped a note to him and told him that it wasn't healthy for both of us to have a relationship and be working at the same place.

Another day when we were able to talk, I told him that I was not comfortable and he assured me that everything would be all right, no one would find out about us. We agreed to go out. We thought no one would see us, and as we entered the place, there was the manager of another branch. He helped me to get another job, so I left. I heard that after I left, some of my co-workers were speculating that we were in love.

This man is married and no matter what I do, I cannot get him out of my mind. I am from a poor family. My parents have nine of us. I have three brothers and they have not done well. The job that I am now doing is a lesser job than I was doing before, but this man takes care of me. Whenever I want to go to visit my parents, he takes me. They do not know that he is married. He even promised to repair my parents' house.

Pastor, sometimes when I want to go out, he cannot take me out because he has his wife and his children. It is difficult for me to remain at home while he is out. Guys have been asking me out and I am always making excuses. I don't know what to do, so I am writing you for your advice.

R.N

Dear R.N.,

For your own good I suggest that you end this relationship with this man. It is not healthy, and if you continue to punish yourself, you might become ill. I have no doubt in my mind that you love this man and that he loves you and he wishes, to help you in different ways, but this comes with a high price tag. And believe me, in years to come, you will regret what you have done.

It is wrong to deceive your parents by giving them the impression that this man is single. They don't know that he is not totally yours. I am sure that they would be happy to get help to repair their house. This man is trying to buy their love by making that offer.

You cannot cope with being alone. When you need him, he has to be with his wife and children. So I am suggesting that you end the relationship with him forthwith. Tell this man that you are going to start dating other men who are single and that he should stay with his wife.

Pastor