Dear Pastor,

I am 17 and having a problem. I am living with my father and his so-called girlfriend, who hates me for nothing at all.

My father was married but got involved with my mother, who became pregnant.

He did not tell his wife anything about me but she found out when I was 12.

My father always supported me. I love him but he is wild and always had other women.

His wife left him and went away because she could not stand his behaviour. She said she divorced him, but he told me he had not received divorce documents. He has always been a good father to me.

He got involved with this woman. She was supposed to be his helper. She is from the country. She is not intelligent and wants to tell me what I should and should not do.

My father told her I am his daughter, not hers, and wants both of us to live in peace.

Everything I do, she tells my father. He comes back and tells me, so I don't like her.

At times, she behaves as if I shouldn't be living at the home. I believe she wants me to go, so she can bring in her 'generation'.

Whenever my father comes home, he always asks me how was my day. She does not like to see us talking. I know she is his girlfriend so I do not carry news on her, but she carries bad news on me all the time. I hate her. Please, tell me what to do, pastor.

N.S

Dear N.S.,

You seem to have a good relationship with your dad. He speaks to you in confidence. She tells him things and he tells you. It seems to me your father loves and trusts you.

Now, listen to me, you are 17. You are old enough to reason with your dad and tell him he has made mistakes, but you would like him to find a good woman and settle down. Remind him if he allows this woman to live in the house for a certain number of years, he might have difficulty in ending the relationship with her. He might ask why you believe she is not good enough for him.

If he does, you might have to back off because some men are not interested in having women with brains, so to speak. They are only interested in having women who can wash, clean, cook and take care of them in the bedroom.

I don't want you to be hard on your dad because, though you are saying now that they have become lovers, the relationship did not start that way.

This lady might be jealous of the type of relationship that you have with your father. You need not worry about her. Make sure you are not disrespectful to her. Make sure you study hard and get yourself a good education.

She will never be able to get you out of your father's house. He knows what is going on, so let it not be said you are doing anything to turn your father's mind against her.

Continue to have a good relationship with your father and, again, do not be disrespectful to this woman.

Pastor