Dear Pastor,

I am 64 and living with a young woman who is 30. I got involved with her when my wife left me and I paid her to have sex with me. When she came to the house and she saw that I was alone we became close friends. She came back the following day, and she never stopped coming. My wife heard that I had a girl at the house and she came and made a big fuss about it and neighbours heard. My wife embarrassed me in front of the girl. My son, who lives in Germany, called me and asked me about what he heard from his mother. I tried to explain to him that this girl was only here as my helper but I am not going to make her stay.

It is two years now she is here and I am ill and she is helping me. She doesn't have children but these days I can hardly have sex with her so I suspect that she is having an affair with a younger man. I don't have any proof.

not coming back

I asked her to leave but she told me that she is not leaving me alone. My sister used to visit me but she told me that as long as the girl is there she is not coming back. Since meeting me and I paid her for sex she doesn't go out on the street again. And whenever she goes out she gets home at a reasonable time, at about 7-8 o'clock. This girl has seven CXC subjects so I am trying to encourage her to go to college. I know that I can help her but she wants to live here and go to school and I don't want that. She doesn't like my wife but she does not know my son. The only mistake I know I have made is to allow her to stay here.

Pastor, I like this young woman. My wife is gone. I don't know if she has another man but the house is in both of us name and I know that if anything happens to me she will kick this girl out. I am a pensioner but I have investments. I am thinking of giving this girl something to make her have a start in life. My wife was always threatening to leave me, so now she is gone. I wasn't hoping to get mixed up with such a young girl, but things happen.

O.P.

Dear O.P.,

Your wife will probably never come back to live with you. And this young woman with whom you are living was not a planned relationship. You were looking for flesh and you got more than you bargained for. This young woman saw an opportunity and she grabbed it. If you did not want her there you should have told her to leave long ago.

You made a mistake by allowing her to sleep there night after night, so the young lady became very comfortable and she felt at home. You became her man, so to speak, so you did not have to pay her for sexual favours anymore. This young lady is destroying the good relationship you had with your son and your sister. What do you consider her to be to you? Your lover, your housekeeper or your helper? If she is your lover it might not be easy for you to get her out of your house. If she is your housekeeper or helper and you are paying her for her service then it is easier for you to let her go. If you need a housekeeper you could employ someone who is much older. However, to be in peace with your sister and your son, they should interview such a person before you employ her.

Perhaps you should encourage this girl to go home and give her all the help you can to go to school. You are not well; therefore, you should not be living alone, and the older a man gets is the more he needs help. Try your very best to live in peace with everybody.

Pastor