Dear Pastor,

I am 48 and married. My wife and I have four children. I have proof that my wife is having an affaire with another man. The man calls her all the time - even late at nights when we should be having our private time alone. This even caused us to become physical. Even the children know that their mother has another man. I don't have another woman. I have never cheated on my wife, but because I accused her of cheating, she is throwing in my face what happened before we got married.

I had a girlfriend before my wife. She was also my wife's friend and she keeps in touch with me, but I don't go to bed with her. If she needs something; she calls and asks me if I can help her. She has never been married. My wife is jealous of this woman.

My wife and I are working together. She draws a salary like anybody else. She banks her money. I still give her money for the home. She wastes a lot of money on clothes. She drives the company car and she never uses her money to put gas in the car.

I went to Miami for a week, pastor, just a week, and the very weekend I left, my wife went out with this man and never came home until the next morning. It is the children who told me so. It is six months now that I have not eaten from her because she threatened to poison me. I cannot trust a woman who threatened to poison me.

I went to her father and he came to the house and met with us and she denied everything and called me a liar. She told her father that she went out and I accused her of sleeping out with the man. She couldn't say where they went. I know this man and I don't know what she sees in him. He has nothing over me. I can function sexually. My life is in ruins. I cannot forgive my wife for what she has done. Please give me some guidance.

A.L.

Dear A.L.,

You claim that your wife is cheating; she claims that she is not. However, in my opinion, she is hiding something from you. She is not telling the whole truth. Where did she go the night after you left for Miami and with whom? Why can't she say where? That would have calmed your spirit. How could she expect the children not to talk? They have eyes, they can see; and ears, they can hear.

Some couples work well together in business, some do not. I don't know if your wife is tired of working with you at the workplace and when she gets home she sees you again. Her father tried his best to counsel both of you but it has not helped.

She has threatened you. How could she expect you to trust her? And even now, even if she were to ask you to forgive her for threatening to kill you, can you really take the chance of sleeping with her and eating from her?

She is behaving like a woman who really has another man, but that's all I wish to say. You may consider going to see a family counsellor face-to-face, but in my opinion, this is not a marriage that is likely to survive.

Pastor