Dear Pastor,

I have been reading your column for a long time and I admire the good advice that you give. I have been married for the past seven and a half years. My husband is a very quiet man. He hardly talks. To me, he is very sneaking. I cannot keep a helper. Every helper who comes to work with us doesn't spend more than six months. The longest a helper stayed here was one year, and she was a married woman. She told me that every time she passed my husband he attempted to touch her bottom. When she told me the reason she was leaving, I called my husband before her and he said she was lying on him, it is she who put the question to him.

My husband is 65 and he is now retired. I am a nurse and I am much younger than he is, so sometimes I have to work at nights. Our children are not living with us, so whoever is working at the house is there with my husband. At my husband's age, he should be slowing down, but it seems as if he wants sex now more than ever. Because of him I only have day workers now, but this house is big and when I am home I am tired and would like to rest. I told my husband everybody can't be lying on him.

The children know that their father is sneaking. And pastor, my son is just like his father. When he was 17 years old he got an 18-year-old girl pregnant. And when I quarrelled about it, his father did not make any fuss. I don't believe that my husband trusts me. He wants me to get home as soon as I am finished working. If I don't, within an hour he will call my cell phone until I show up.

I need to know what I should do to keep my husband quiet.

M.L.

Dear M.L.,

Your husband is now retired. Insist that he does some of the work a helper would do. I am assuming that you have a washing machine. Your husband can use the washing machine to wash when you are away. He can help in the kitchen by cooking the dinner.

This is a man who refuses to behave himself. You know he was lying when he told you in the presence of the helper that she was the one who was interested in having him as her lover. You can't believe what he says, and you know it. Right now, he has too much time on his hands. You should try to get him to go back to work. He has a lot of energy. And please don't misunderstand me.

Perhaps you would have to try to make more time for him. I can understand how tired you are because of the type of work that you do, but you have to schedule your time bearing in mind that this man has sexual needs. Although he is 65 years old, he is not slowing down. He calls you when he knows that it is time for you to come home. It is either that he is trying to say to you that he wants you or he feels that you might be cheating. I believe that both of you should go and see a family counsellor, because it appears that he has issues that he is not discussing with you.

Pastor