Dear Pastor,

I have some things I want to get off my chest. I have a boyfriend who is very mean to me. His parents are rich and my parents are poor. Everything I want I have to beg him and he doesn't give me anything free. He always wants sex in return. I give it to him because I love him. He is 30. My parents know him and don't want me to talk to anybody else.

He went away for a month and all he did was to call me. He didn't send me any money. I wanted to go on an outing and my parents couldn't help me, so I asked a friend to lend me some money until my boyfriend gets back. he gave me $5,000 and told me I didn't have to repay him because exchange is no robbery. I knew what he meant so I had sex with him in his car because I couldn't take him home. He couldn't take me to his house because he is living with his girlfriend. I was scared while we were having sex because the condom broke and he knew right away what had happen.

Since that time, my boyfriend came back and every time we have sex he tells me I am not the same. He says I don't feel the same way as when he left me, so I must have been having sex with another man. I told him I did not cheat but he doesn't believe me. I had sex once with the guy who gave me $5,000. I would like to know how my boyfriend could know I had sex with another guy.

Do you think the one time I had sex with another guy could affect me so much that my boyfriend would know? I cannot tell him what I did. I am afraid he would beat me and leave me.

C.A

Dear C.A.,

I suggest you try your very best and get an education. If you don't, you are likely to be used by men. If you were not depending on men for money, you would not have got into trouble with the guy who told you exchange is no robbery and you agreed to have sex with him. Now you have to keep what you did as a secret from your regular boyfriend.

Concerning his claim that he can feel the difference in your vagina, so he knows you have had sex, is nonsense. Perhaps you have not been relating to him because you are carrying the feeling of guilt. Having sex with you will not tell him you had sex with another man.

I cannot tell you what to do. I know it could be risky to tell him you had sex with the guy once. If you were to tell him you had sex once, he would not believe. Perhaps it is better to tell him you cannot deal with his harassment, and if he wants to go he should go. I know that's a risk but I believe it is the right position to take.

Pastor