Dear Pastor,

I have been married for seven years, but my husband and I have been together for 12 years. We worked hard and built a house together. I don't have any children for him, but he has three children. Pastor, I can't tell you that this man has not treated me well. Even when his relatives, including his mother, called me a mule and I complained to him, he said that I should stop listening to them because they are jealous of both of us.

It is not for the sake of sex that I am not pregnant. My husband is very strong and he will have sex with me morning, noon and night. And everytime, he tells me he loves me.

The women he always kept with me were not in the town where we live, but recently, he took up a girl who works in a supermarket. She is only about 20 years old and she is behaving as if she wants to take over my man. This girl has even come to my house and slept in my bed when I went to visit my sick mother. She wanted me to know that she was there so she left her comb on my dresser. And even some of her hair was also on the dresser. My husband told me it was his sister who came to the house and used the dresser, but it is not true. His sister doesn't dye her hair, so it was the girl. I asked him what would happen if he got her pregnant and he didn't answer.

I told her boss at the supermarket to tell her to leave my man alone and the boss said that it was not her business. Pastor, if I had caught her in my house, police would have locked me up. It seems as if the boss mentioned something to her because when she saw me, she was throwing words. My husband said they were only friends and she won't be able to throw words at me again because he was going to leave her. She is very out of order.

I know that they are still together because people told me so. I am crying inside because these young girls have different men, and I don't want my husband to pick up any disease and pass on to me because he is a man who doesn't use condoms. I am asking you kindly to give me your advice.

J.W.

Dear J.W.,

Don't lower your standards. You are a married woman. Don't give this girl the impression that she has something over you. Her boss is quite correct. If this girl and your husband are having an intimate relationship, as her boss, she should not get involved in it because it is not work related.

You know the type of man your husband is, so you have to talk to him and tell him that he is embarrassing you by having a relationship with this girl.

I am glad that you consider your husband a good man. He takes good care of you, and although both of you do not have children, it has not bothered him. I hope you do not hate his mother for calling you a mule. Forgive her because she doesn't know better. God has not given all women the gift of childbearing. Some women have children, but they are not good mothers. You do not have children, but you are a wonderful wife. Take care of your husband.

If you can find a family counsellor in your area, try and convince your husband to go with you to see him/her. Stick with your man. You have been together for a long time. He is playing around, but he is not going to leave you. If he wanted to do so, he would have done so long ago.

Pastor