Dear Pastor,

I am writing to you with tears in my eyes. I never thought that what reached me would have ever happened to me. Pastor, I am 35 and I have a man. He is the best man I have ever had and sometimes I look back and say, how can I allow this man to get away from me? I have two children and he is not their father, but these boys love him and he can do no wrong for them because their father left me with them and this man has supported them. He takes them to school in the mornings and people would think that he is their father. When it is Parent's Day at the school he goes with me. He calls them his children. He told me he doesn't need any more children. He has four with two different women.

Pastor, I found out that he slept with one of my cousins and I was very upset. I was away for just a week and I allowed her to come and stay at the house to take care of my boys and prepare their meals. And in one week he got involved with my cousin. I had enough proof because the children would not lie on her and they saw my boyfriend going into her room more than once. He admitted that he had sex with her and, Pastor, I went on bad.

I called my cousin a whore and my boyfriend told me that I should not call her that in the presence of the children. I even got into a fight with her. I thought when I asked her to leave my boyfriend would have stopped seeing her. I called her boyfriend and told him his girlfriend is a slut and she slept with my boyfriend. Her boyfriend left her and now I have lost my man because he and my cousin are now partly living together. I begged him to come back but he told me he is not coming back and that he did not know that I would try to destroy another person's relationship.

Pastor, when I found out what he had done with my cousin, he had got down on his knees and asked me to forgive him. But he is upset because I told my cousin's boyfriend what she did. I have tried everything to get this man back. I called my cousin's boyfriend and told him that I lied on her and he asked me how come I am saying that I lied on her and she and the man are together now. If I don't get back this man I don't want another man in my life.

He still comes around and brings things for the boys, and if I try to get him to sleep over he doesn't. Sometimes, if it is late, he doesn't even come into the house. Tell me what I can do to get this man back.

C.P.

Dear C.P.,

In the first place, this man did not have to tell you the truth. He admitted that he had sex with your cousin. Naturally, you would be very disturbed at that news but you didn't have to call your cousin derogatory names. And you didn't have to get into a fight with her.

Please remember that you made a fundamental mistake by asking this girl to stay at your house while your man was there. I don't want you to get the impression that I am saying that he should have become sexually involved with her. But you should have used common sense. You shouldn't 'put butter in puss mouth'. I repeat, he should have restrained himself, but if the young woman was not there he wouldn't have got involved with her.

After he got involved you went to the extreme. You decided that you were going to destroy her relationship with her boyfriend, and that you were successful in doing.

Now, this man is determined not to leave your cousin in the cold. He feels that he is responsible for her demise with her boyfriend. Therefore, he is determined to rescue her and to end the relationship that he had with you. The sad news I have for you is this: he is not coming back to you. You can jump high or low, he is not coming back. Don't even try to tie him by going to obeah man or obeah woman, he is not coming back. You may wet your pillow with tears, but he is not coming back.

Learn to control yourself in the future. Accept what he gives to the children. Your cousin is not going to let him go. She sees him as a good man and a man who can help her.

Pastor