Dear Pastor,

I am a regular reader of your column. My babyfather and I were friends for one year and six months. When I met him I fell in love with him. He behaved as a gentleman and I thought he was. He was 44 years old. He told me that he was divorced and he is looking for a wife. He lives abroad. This man went to church with me. He pretended to be a Christian. He even met my pastor and told my pastor how much he loves me, and my pastor believed him. He showed me pictures of his two boys but not their mother. I was so much in love that I didn't think that this man was a liar. He was with me for a whole week and never forced me to have sex with him. He told me he would wait.

We went to a hotel and slept on separate beds. One night I went on his bed and hugged him. I wanted to know if this man was alive or dead and I proved that he was alive because he had an erection. We had sex and he got me pregnant. When I told him I was pregnant I didn't hear from him for a week. I kept calling his phone and nothing. He changed his phone number but I tracked him down at his workplace.

One night I called his work number again and I was crying, and the guard, who was a female, listened to me and felt sorry for me. I told her I must talk to him and she gave me his home number. She told me it was against the rule to give the home number of a worker but she was sorry for me. When I called the number a woman answered. I enquired who she was and she told me that she was his wife. She asked me who I was and I told her I was his fiancée who lives in Jamaica. I explained everything to her. She told me that I had the wrong person but I told her no. I gave her my number and my name. He was out of town. She called me back when he got home and said that he admitted meeting me but we never had sex.

This man is a respectable gentleman. I decided not to do an abortion because the doctor told me that I would never get pregnant, but here I was pregnant, and for a married man. I have a baby girl. I do not want anything from her father but I would like her to know her father when she grows up and I will tell her the truth. He came to Jamaica in August and called me on the phone and told me that I am trying to destroy his marriage, but Pastor, I am not. He said that he has to do everything to save his marriage.

I will have nothing more to do with this man, and I told him I would not call his house anymore and he should not call me, but his daughter should know him, and when he is ready to meet her we can talk. I want to know if I handled this matter right. please tell me.

O.G

Dear O.G,

I want to assure you that you didn't do anything wrong. This man played his cards well. He gave you the impression that he was a perfect gentleman but he had one aim, and that was to get you in bed. You made the fundamental mistake when you agreed to spend time with him at the hotel and you went over to his bed to 'check' him out. You wanted to find out if this man was alive, and he proved to you that he was alive and kicking.

I believe that, indeed, you were in love with him. Both of you had sex and he got you pregnant. If you had not got pregnant, this man would have continued to fool you and to use you.

What a wicked wretch he is. You did not do anything wrong by trying to track him down. You needed to know what was happening. I am glad that you are in a good job and can support your child. You have decided not to take anything from this man but I think you should insist that he helps you to support the child, but you have made your decision.

You did not do anything wrong when you called his home number. Your intention was not to destroy his marriage so you should not pay attention to the nonsense he told you. Love your baby, take care of her, and although you have decided not to take anything from him, if there comes a time when you can't manage alone, go after him for child support.

Pastor