Dear Pastor,

I am writing you with tears in my eyes. I am 19 years old and I have a boyfriend. We have been friend now for one year. He is sending me to school. I live with my parents and he is living with his grandmother. Pastor, I am on the pill. He wants me to stop taking the pills and get pregnant for him. I told him that I shouldn't stop because I don't want to stop going to school. He said that after I have the baby he would send me back. I told him I would stop but I haven't stopped. He found out that I am still taking them and he beat me up and told me if I don't stop he would stop sending me to evening classes. I don't want to stop going to school and I don't want to lose him.

My girlfriend and I talked and she told me that I should go to the doctor and he could put in something in me that would prevent me from getting pregnant. I am afraid to go to the doctor because I don't want him to find out. I told him I was going to leave him because he slapped me up, but that was the first time and only time he did it.

My mother is very poor. I told my mother that my boyfriend wants me to have a baby for him and she told me that it is up to me because he is the one supporting me and she would help me with the baby. My mother got pregnant when she was 16 and she had to stop attending school. She has a little shop at the front of the house and she sells little stuff. I am doing some subjects because I would like to go to college. I respect my boyfriend and I love him very much. And I also respect myself.

R.P.

Dear R.P.,

Someone needs to talk to your boyfriend and show him why he should not insist that you become pregnant. I know young men always say that they want to father children. It is very common to hear young men say they want 'a youth'. It is as if that is the only way they can show their manhood. You are not yet ready to become a mother and your boyfriend should not force you. I am sorry to hear that he slapped you up when he discovered that you were still on the pill. I hope he will never do so again. He has to learn to respect you in every way.

Your mother is not making it easy for you by encouraging you to become pregnant. She should speak to your boyfriend and encourage him to wait until you have accomplished your goals. The suggestion from your girlfriend should be considered if you intend to continue to have sex with this young man. All the best.

Pastor