Dear Pastor,

I am having a problem and I need your help. My wife and I have been married for seven years and we do not have children. She had two children before we got married and she did a tubal ligation operation to stop herself from having more children. But she didn't tell me anything about that. I met her in the Church, and after going out a few times, we decided to get married.

Pastor, I feel deceived because it's only five years ago I found out that my wife cannot conceive. I asked her if she would try to get it reversed, but she is not interested, and I don't have any children. How could I continue to live with this woman? She told me that we can adopt, but I am not interested. If my wife continues to insist that she wouldn't try to reverse this operation, what do you think I should do? I didn't intend to get a divorce when I got married, but I may have to do so.

The people in my church don't even know what is happening, and I don't think I am going to tell them. I may just move on. Your advice will be appreciated.

W.S.

Dear W.S.,

This might not be a comfort to you. Nevertheless, I will say it. Your wife is indeed a deceiver, but take heart, other women have done the same thing to men. They stopped themselves from having children because they believe that they had enough when they were single and times were difficult for them. However, they met men later in life, and the men not knowing that they have had these operations, end up marrying them. And the women were not able to conceive and the men felt betrayed.

As a counsellor, I have seen this many times. It would have been better if these women had spoken the truth and lived with a clear conscience instead of fooling the men.

I am not prepared to even suggest to you what you should do. Whether you wish to stay with your wife or to leave her is a decision you must make on your own. But if you were to leave her, I hope nobody will try to condemn you. What I am prepared to encourage you to do is to make an appointment the for both of you to go and see a family counsellor. And I wish you well.

Pastor