I am having a problem. I am a Christian young lady. I am 18 years old and I stopped having sex with my boyfriend. We used to be intimately involved and we used to enjoy having sex. But now that I have become a Christian my boyfriend started to go to church with me and he became a Christian too. We haven't had sex with each other but we masturbate. Sometimes when I am alone and I feel for my boyfriend and I call him, we talk for a long time and he told me where and where I should touch, and I should tell him if I am touching, and we have phone sex before we fall asleep.

One night my mother caught me without having any clothes on and my legs wide open. She pushed the door and came in and asked me what happened because she heard me making some sounds and she thought that something was wrong. I did not know I was making sounds so loud that Mommy could hear. I did not even have enough time to cover myself or to take off the phone. My mother took the phone from me and asked, "who is this" and my boyfriend answered. I felt like I could kill him. But after that night my mother and I became closer because she questioned me and asked me if I was having problem with sex.

My mother is a nurse and she saw the instrument that I was using while I was masturbating, and told me that it's normal to feel to have sex at my age but I have to learn to control myself. But I did not admit to my mother that I was sexually active. I suspected that she knew. My boyfriend and I cannot get married now. My mother wouldn't want me to get married now and both of us are students.

O.L

Dear O.L,

Your mother is quite correct. It is normal for a teenager to experience sexual urges. However, one has to learn to control these urges and not to be overcome by them. You and your boyfriend have become Christians and I believe that you are endeavouring to do what is right. Masturbation is a method that some people use to relieve sexual urges. Some family counsellors condemn such a practice, others do not.

Lots of couples when they are separated from each other practice, phone sex. I do not advocate or condemn either practice.

Your mother, I am sure, got a shock when she saw you in the nude and realised that you were masturbating and talking to your boyfriend at the same time. However, it gave her the opportunity to talk to you about human sexuality. Now you can't behave as an innocent little girl and she would never look at you as such.

I hope that this young man would remain true to you and you remain true to him, and in the years ahead both of you will get married and live happily together.

Pastor