Dear Pastor,

I would like to commend and congratulate you on the amazing job that you are doing. I have been reading your column since I was in my early teens and now I am in my late 20s. I have been living in the United Kingdom for 12 years. I have two children.

The relationship with my first child's father did not work out and I stayed single for a few years because I was scared of getting hurt a second time.

I met my current partner and he was so persistent that I eventually gave him a chance. We have been together for 5 years and share a child together. He treats my first child as his own. Pastor, the problem is that he is not a leader, he is a follower. He follows his so-called friends and when he gets into trouble, none of them is there for him. He started to go on Facebook and since then, his attitude has changed. He waits until I am asleep at nights and then he stays on Facebook until 3 or 4 o'clock in the morning.

I found out that he was talking to a white woman and he told her he was single and was also planning to meet with her. He also asked her to send him naked pictures, which she did, so he put them in a folder on the computer and locked it with a password.

He told me that most of his friends are with white women and that they are not as inquisitive and as demanding as Jamaican women, and in addition, the white women give them anything they want. I told him that since he wants to follow his friends, he needs to leave my house. He begged and pleaded and apologised and said he was only trying to make me jealous. After a while, I forgave him.

Pastor, I work, take care of my children, cook, clean and do everything for this man, but he wants to take advantage of me. When he gets paid, he spends most of his money on marijuana or lends his friends money and does not contribute to anything to the household. He has no time for me or the kids because he is always on the phone with his friends.

Our sex life has gone downhill because he has to rush the sex so he can get back on Facebook. I am a woman and I need affection and whenever I confront him, he says that I am miserable and he is going to leave. I have spoken to his mother about this and I even found a counsellor. He refuses to go for counselling and said the counsellor is probably living a worse life than he is. He does not want any help as he thinks he has no issue.

His mother is wonderful and unbiased, and God knows she has tried, but even she is fed with his behaviour. She told me to leave him if it is too much for me to handle. I still don't want to just give up on him and our relationship because when he is not following company, he is a good man and a good father, but at the same time, I am only human and I know I can do better. I read my Bible and pray about it. Pastor, please give me your fatherly advice.

T., UK

Dear T.,

From the tone of your letter, you seem to have confronted this man about his behaviour and your discomfort with it. If you continue to be uncomfortable and he absolutely refuses to get the help necessary to improve the relationship, then I suggest that you seriously consider ending it. I notice that you are pleased with him as a father, but life is about balance. It appears that this man is addicted to Facebook and pornography. As such, if you find that he will not seek professional help and you are overly unhappy in the relationship, you should take some time to determine what is more important to you: Is it your happiness, or this inconsiderate man who believes in wasting his money on riotous living?

Pastor