Dear Pastor,

I hope you are doing well. I enjoy reading your column and I would like to thank you for the work you have been doing. My boyfriend and I are 24 years old. We are living together for about a year now. He is in a stable job, but I am not. I babysit to help out my sister, but I still search for jobs whenever I can.

My problem is that my boyfriend loves to watch porn and he is always lying about it. When I am not at home with him, he watches it all the time. Our sex life is great. I just don't understand why he watches it so much.

I went on his computer and I stumbled upon a folder that has more than 20 porn films. I confronted him about it and he said it is a man thing and all men watch porn. He was honest enough to tell me the truth about it, but something else was still bothering me. The porn didn't have a specific name, but one did. I asked him why he has anal porn. He got angry and went on his computer. I thought nothing of it.

The following day, I went on his computer and the password was changed, so I asked him for it. He told me that I have a laptop and I should go and use it. I told him that he knows that it is not working properly, so he gave me the password.

porn folder

One day I went back to the folder, which contained the porn, and they were gone, but I searched and found them. My suspicions told me something was not right, so I started to view them. They were all anal porn. I was shocked out of my mind. I just could not believe because he was always against it.

He has a friend who helped him to get his current job, but he is gay. And he used to talk to this guy abroad over the internet when we just met. He showed me the messages and the guy was talking about when he was coming to Jamaica he was going to bring this and that for him and where they should meet. I told him that the guy is obviously a gay. He blocked the guy and stopped talking to him.

I am so confused. Should I ask him if he is gay and confront him about the anal sex videos again, or should I just leave it alone? Please, pastor, I need your advice.

Confused Girlfriend

Dear Confused Girlfriend,

Although I believe that it is not right for you to be snooping around and searching your boyfriend's computer, you should ask him about the things you have seen and whether or not he has changed his attitude towards anal sex. You have a right to be suspicious of him, especially knowing his association with the guy who helped him to get a job and the promises the guy has made to him.

Why should a fellow who is "straight" possess more than over twenty anal porn films on his computer and even after you spoke to him about them, the only thing he did was try to hide them elsewhere on the computer? Mark you, I am not judging or condemning this man in any way, but I am agreeing with you that his behaviour is strange.

Without a doubt, you boyfriend is addicted to porn. And it is not true that all men enjoy looking at porn. Some men may look at porn occasionally for kicks, especially if they believe that they will learn something new that they can practise on a new girl, but I must emphasise that it is not a regular habit.

On the other hand, some men are hooked on porn and such persons need professional help. I believe, therefore, that your boyfriend falls in this category. And I would suggest that you encourage him to make an appointment to see a psychologist as early as possible, and that you accompany him.

Pastor