Dear Pastor,

I have been married to my husband for 12 years, but we have been together for more than 20. The thing is that I was living in Jamaica with this guy before migrating to America and I have two children with him. When I went to visit him he told me that I should hurry and come back to get him. I had no money but I went and got married to him. He got through and came to live with me. He then told me that he left a baby back home. I was shocked. I wanted to die. I felt sorry for the woman and the child. I took it up on myself to contact the woman, hoping we could establish some kind of relationship (child communicating with dad and rest of family here) because, after all, we are a family, and this would work out really well for the child.

My husband is very immature and I wish that this woman would have helped me to teach him a lesson, instead all she wants is to be his friend. He told me that he told her that he and I never broke up, and she still insists on having a relationship. When I asked the woman about that, she stated, "Yes, him tell mi bout you but den him never a talk bout you again, so mi tink unu no ina nothing again." I felt embarrassed as a woman, and also sad for the child. I was willing to help the child but now it is hard because the woman disgusts me.

How can I deal with people like that? My husband, on the other hand, gets away with everything and all I can do now is encourage him to support the child which he doesn't do. He thinks when he tells a woman that he is involved, they should understand and not pursue it. This man tells women these things after having sex with them, and seriously expects them to just leave him alone. He does not understand that he himself can also say no. I want him to get in serious trouble for this child; but the woman just sits back as if she is still in love with him.

I know my husband loves me but I wish he would not treat other females the way he does. I send what I have for that child but God man, "a wah rang wid wi women?" I do feel like if she was smart she would have found some way to tell me that she was involved with him, but instead she says, "Mi pretty and him a come back fi mi and him love him pickney."

Pastor, she has no idea. This man only talks to the child when I insist. He never talked to the mother after he moved here. This woman's only concern is, "Why is he not talking to me?" She has never dated since he left, according to her. I do feel like I took him away from a child; however, that woman knew about me but I on the other hand had no clue who she was.

I love my husband. He said I nag too much, but I feel like this is a sin and should not be happening. A child needs to know his or her dad to feel complete. I never had a dad, and this hurts. This is a pain I do not want to spread. Please tell me what to do.

A.

Dear A.,

What I would encourage you to do is to encourage your husband to talk to his child as often as possible, at least once per week, and support him financially. From time to time, send him clothes and toys. And when he starts to attend school, make sure he pays the fees. I think it is unfair for you to be putting the blame on this woman. The truth is your husband is a liar and very much irresponsible. He did not tell this woman the truth. So, please don't blame her for what has happened. Try to teach your husband to be a responsible man. Take my word, if your husband does not change, your marriage to him will not last long.

Pastor