Dear Pastor,

I am 24 years old. When I was 12, I was molested by my stepfather. I used to sleep on the same bed with him and my mother. It was really rough on me. My mother knew about it and did nothing.

This man used to drive a taxi for a taxi company. I would like to confront him for what he did to me. I have never told anybody about it, but it is eating me inside.

I am now married and I have two children: one is for my cousin and the other is for my husband. I am depressed. My husband does not know all these things about me. I want to tell him everything, but I don't know how to go about doing so. I have brothers that have sexual contact with me. I remember everything. I need help. I am writing you with tears in my eyes. I just want to die.

S.

Dear S.,

You have been most unfortunate. You have been sexually abused by your stepfather and also your siblings. Your first child was fathered by one of your cousins, but you haven't said whether that was consensual sex. Probably it wasn't because these things have been affecting you for many years. When your husband and yourself were courting, you did not tell him about the sexual abuse that you have experienced.

Although these problems have been haunting you, you would have to realise that to tell your husband now will put the marriage at risk. Mark you, I am not saying that you ought not to say it if you believe that it would help your marriage. Frankly, I don't think it would help your marriage. Your husband might say that you do not come from a good family and he made a big mistake in marrying you. He might say that you were grossly immoral.

I might be wrong, but this is not a matter on which I can be dogmatic. What I know you should do for sure is to seek professional help. You are living in New York, so you could look in the yellow pages for a psychologist. You may also consider asking your pastor (if you have one) to recommend you to a psychologist.

Do not approach your stepfather or any of your relatives who abused you. Pray and read your Bible and go to church. Don't even think of killing yourself.

A Christian psychologist will be able to help you to deal with your past and to live a happy life.

Pastor