Dear Pastor,

Greetings in the sweet name of our Lord. I am a regular reader of your column and find it very interesting. I am 18 and I have a boyfriend. He is a Christian, but I am not. He invited me to his church and I went, but I do not like it there because it is mostly old people who attend that church, but I love my boyfriend so much. When he asked me if I enjoyed the service, I lied and told him yes. The next weekend, he called me and told me that I should come back, but I lied again and told him that I could not stay up for long because I had my period.

I am the only child for my mother. My father has six of us, but I live with my mother. My boyfriend just started attending university and he is more committed to his church than to his schoolwork. He does not like me to go out without him. I have other friends who are boys, and I told my boyfriend that I am not having anything to do with them, but he still nags me when we go out, even to Devon House.

My boyfriend is of a very dark complexion and I am of a light complexion. He is always talking about my beauty and how Jamaican men like brown women and he does not want to lose me. My mother likes him and she is of a light complexion.

My boyfriend does not need to worry, but I can't take his nagging, so please tell me what to do. I am working and I am hoping to start university next year. I am looking out for my answer in the Star.

P.R.

Dear P.R.,

It is never good to start a relationship on a foundation of lies or to lie to someone you are in a relationship with, especially when it is unnecessary. You said that your boyfriend is very serious about church and wants to you attend, therefore, if you do not like it at his church, you should find a way to let him know. Otherwise, you will consistently disappoint him when he invites you and you make up excuses not to go. I suggest that you try to find out what it is about church that your boyfriend finds so captivating. Talk with him about church and his involvement. Try to learn about his likes and dislikes and help him to learn about your likes and dislikes. This will assist in building a more interesting, open, and trusting relationship.

I am not sure whether it is your beauty or your activities with your male friends that causes him to be anxious when you are not with him, but I suggest that you also talk with your boyfriend about your relationship with your male friends and assure him in words and actions that he has nothing to worry about. Even if you tell him he has nothing to worry about, if you constantly go out with your male friends without your boyfriend, there will always be room for him to develop feelings of jealousy as he is unsure about what is going on in his absence. You have to be a little more sympathetic towards his feelings as you may not always approve if he were to go out with his female friends without you.

I am happy to hear of your plans to enter university and I hope that you will pursue your tertiary studies and excel. Please remain focused and remember that there is nothing wrong with putting a relationship on hold if it is too much to handle at this stage of your youth.

Pastor