Dear Pastor,

I am 25 and living in the States. I met my girlfriend here in the States. She was studying and at the end of her studies she had to return to Jamaica. I tried to persuade her to stay in America and marry me but she insisted that she gave her word to the company with which she works that she would return and work with them and after a while we could get married and she would come back to America. I agreed.

It is now two years since she has returned to Jamaica. I am still living her but I am also involved with a woman who is twice my age. I already have a Green Card so we are not together because I want one. We became good friends because we work in the same department and I was having some financial difficulty and she helped me. But before she helped me I told her certain things about myself which I now regret.

She is of Jamaican parents and has her own home. I am now living with her. My girlfriend in Jamaica does not know that I have moved in with this woman. She treats me very well. She has two children but they are grown. One was living with her but since I moved in she has moved out.

I don't know what to do because I still owe her the US$4,000.00 that I borrowed. I do not love this woman but I am forced to have sex with her and I pretend all the time that she is the best woman I have ever had. She is always having friends over and always introducing me as her man. Her friends always tell her that I am young and they like me.

My girlfriend in Jamaica asked me why she cannot reach me at nights. Pastor, the moment I enter the house, I turn off my cell phone and turn it back on when I am on my way to work. Before I started living with this woman, I was living with my brother but he got married and his wife and himself have rented an apartment. This woman would want to get married to me, I cannot marry her but I have not told her so. What do you suggest that I do.

D.L.

Dear D.L.,

You are living a lie. You are deceiving both women. How long do you intend to live and be with this woman while giving your girlfriend in Jamaica the impression that all is well between herself and you? If you intend to pursue a relationship or a future with the Jamaican girl, I suggest that get out of the woman's house and rent a small place for yourself. Make arrangements to repay the money you borrowed, even if it has to be in instalments and don't dig yourself any deeper in this mess that you have created.

It may even become necessary for you to seek to change jobs as it must be a very uncomfortable situation, knowing that you live with this woman, owe her and work at the same place as she does, yet you don't love her and continue to keep secrets from her. Don't you think that the girl in Jamaica will become suspicious if she is always unable to reach you at night? Have you considered that the woman with whom you are living may find out that you have a girlfriend and that you are merely using her for material gain?

Don't make it any more of a mess, fix this situation while you can as it has the potential of getting ugly. If you know she would want to marry you but you have no intention to marry her you should end the relationship and seek to nurture the one you should be having with the woman you wish to marry (if she will have you).

Pastor