Many of us know swinging as a childhood pastime. Sexual swinging is different. it involves sex, with an exchange of partners with one or more couples. There is a debate going on about whether human beings are naturally monogamous. Some will argue that we are not and that is the reason why it is so difficult to remain faithful to one partner when you are constantly coming across multiple persons that you find attractive. Some cultures on the Eastern side of the globe actually allow for multiple partners with polygamy and polyandry. In our neck of the woods, we mostly practise monogamy, and some speculators would say that we are very unsuccessful with this practice. Consider the evidence: we have a very high divorce rate, and relationships don't last very long.

Many persons, especially men, say that they do long for some variety in their sex life, and while they like the security of being with one mate for life, it is not exciting. For some, swinging provides an outlet for the yearning that they may have for someone outside of their relationship. In most cases, you partner gets to choose who the person is and participates in some way in the actual activities.

While most Jamaican men cannot even imagine that there is any benefit to be had from allowing another individual to touch their partner so intimately, there are some documented benefits that can come from this experience - should you choose to have it.

Benefits of swinging

- Increased trust because your bond is beyond sex.

- Great adventure for you to enjoy as a couple.

- Way to deal with sexual attraction to someone outside of your partner.

- Creates more variety in the sexual experience.

- Brings you closer to each other, especially if you are unable to perform at the time, you can still appreciate your partner enjoying it.

It's not all good news. swinging can make a good relationship bad, worse, if partners are not honest with themselves and each other. Some of the things that can happen are:

- Partners can fall apart because one person is now attracted to a swinging participant.

- One partner did not want to perform the act but felt forced by his or her partner and it ended in resentment.

- Unwanted pregnancy.

- Distrust. No longer trust each other.

- Partner loses confidence in the relationship because he or she feels he or she is no longer enough to please his or her partner.

Swinging is an acquired taste and is considered an alternative lifestyle. It is not something to be introduced to your relationship if you are already having issues and especially if you are a jealous person. Couples who swing successfully understand that trust and respect are paramount and do everything to ensure that their partners are comfortable right through.

The good thing about swinging is that you are not forced to do anything and it is required that you are present by your own choice. Also, all activities must happen with the presence, participation, and consent of both partners.

Communication is essential to the success of any relationship, so please ensure that you and your partner are on the same page, especially if you are considering trying swinging.

Send your questions or comments to sexychatwithshelly@gmail.com or Tweet me @drsexylive or www.facebook.com/ShellyAnnDrSexyWeeks. Tune in to Shelly-Ann Dr Sexy Weeks on Dr Sexy LIVE on Nationwide 90FM Mondays-Fridays 10 p.m.

Question

Dear Dr Sexy,

I am 38 and with a married man for more than five years. He is 45. When we just met, he said he was single. A few years later, I found out he was married with two kids. I was disappointed that he didn't tell me the truth. we talked about it and moved on.

Years after, the relationship is not growing and he is still with his wife. I tried to get out, but he threatened me to stay and said he is going to leave his wife.

I met a man who is 32 and we went out a few times without him knowing. I'm now planning to keep a close frienship with this man, but I'm not sure what to do or how to leave this man. I don't want him to hurt or kill me.

I like this new man but want to take things slow for now. We had sex a few times since we met last December and we spend a lot of fun time together. He is now asking me to have a baby for him, which I'm not yet ready for. What should I do?

B, Portmore

Dear B,

It sounds to me like you know what you want to do already. The relationship you have with the married man, by your own admission, does not seem to be going anywhere and you want more. As far as this other man, if you are not ready to have a child, then communicate that to him. I would not advise you to do it just for him.

I do hope you come to a decision soon as it is clear that you are frustrated.

Good luck and stay sexy,

Dr Sexy