Dear Pastor,

I am a young adult and I believe I am at my limit. In high school, while growing up, I was molested for years by my mother's boyfriend. All five of us bundled up in the one-bedroom house. I have two younger siblings. He would touch me late in the nights when everyone was asleep. I hated him. I remember how he would try to place his penis on my mouth, when I was sleeping, and take pictures of it.

I have grown to hate my mother. I blame her for this. I told her what was happening. Every time she would just ask him (as if he was going to admit it) and after a couple of days it was dropped. I have not lived with my mother for about four years now. I have been staying with relatives who sometimes show me bad face. because I have nowhere else to go, I am trying to endure it.

better relationship

I do miss my mother, now and then, and wish the relationship between us was better. However, every time I go to visit or stay over, he is there and watches me. It creeps me out so much. When I am there, I cannot sleep because I am afraid to do so. While they sleep in the room, I have to sleep in the living room on the floor. I even heard them arguing once, when I went there, and he said because of me he's not comfortable in his own house.

I feel as if she has chosen a man over her own flesh and blood. I never grew up with a dad, so the only person I had was her, and she has turned her back on me for a man. I feel betrayed and cursed.

I have been suicidal lately. I cut myself just to feel the pain, just to watch the blood flow down my wrist. I have even thought about overdosing myself, but I am scared that it won't work. I want to leave this world.

I keep to myself. I hardly go out. I am unemployed. I stay in bed and listen to music all day. I have thought about killing that man so many times for hurting me. My mother is five months pregnant for him and I haven't talked to her since. It is obvious who she chooses.

For years, this has been bothering me and I have given up. There is a lot more to say. However, that would take up too much of your time.

C.

Dear C.,

Your mother probably felt she was at the mercy of this man. Evidently, she was scared that if she had stood up for you, the man would have left her. She took what you said about this man lightly. She did not realise the psychological effect it had on you. Shame on your mother.

I can understand why you hate this man. Nevertheless, hating him and resenting your mother will not help you. What you need is therapy. You need the help of a psychologist or a family counsellor. Your relatives are not in a position to help you because they have become a part of your problem.

I will try my best to see that you receive professional help to see a psychologist. Please call my office and ask to talk to me. My numbers are 929-1667-8.

Pastor