Dear Pastor,

I have a problem and I want your advice. I am 37 and have been married for seven years. My husband and I have been together for eight years. However, when I started seeing my husband, it was two months after my previous relationship ended because my ex had cheated. This is something that he deeply regretted and asked my forgiveness.

I have never stopped loving my ex. Lately, my desire is to have him back in my life. I love my ex more than I love my husband.

My husband is a good man. He is a great father and hasn't done me anything wrong, except for the fact that he is not affectionate. He is not into foreplay and never wants to go out. My heart is with my ex. I can't stop thinking about him, to the point where I breakdown and cry because I am so in love with him.

feelings exploded

Pastor, my ex is still in love with me and wants me back, but he doesn't want to be seen as a home wrecker. We have seen each other secretively a few times. Our feelings exploded. My mind is a mess. I want my ex back badly.

Pastor, please don't be harsh with me, but give me the best advice possible for a woman who is married and still in love with her ex. The situation has me unhappy and I cry every day.

Initials Withheld

Dear ..,

As I see it, it is evident that you became intimate with a man too soon after you became aware that your ex had an affair. Perhaps if you had not got emotionally and sexually involved with the man you married, perhaps time would have helped to heal the disappointments and hurt which you endured. Perhaps you became involved with the man you married, because you thought having a new man would helped to overcome your disappointment and hurt.

After eight years, you are still yearning to be with your ex. You have complicated the situation by meeting with your ex-boyfriend and spending time with him. There is no easy answer to your problem. A man can say he wants a woman back in his life but that does not necessarily means that he wants to marry her.

perfect relationship

Remember you have been with another man for eight years. True, it has not been a perfect relationship. He is not romantic but has been a good husband to you.

Your ex-boyfriend can thrill you in bed, but what guarantee do you have that you would have a better life if you were to leave your husband and go to your ex? What reason, apart from saying that you love your ex, would you give for leaving him? What would you tell your children?

Is it true that old dogs cannot learn new tricks? I recommend that your husband and yourself make an appointment to see a family counsellor or psychologist, who could help you to spice up your relationship.

Pastor