Dear Pastor,

I have been reading your column since I was going to high school and now I am in my last year at university. I also listen to your radio show and sometimes it is hilarious. My friends and I discuss the topics. Sometimes we agree, and sometimes we disagree.

I have a boyfriend. He doesn't like you because you are too outspoken. We argue a lot because he likes to bash Christians. I am a backslider and I am planning to go back to church with or without him.

On Christmas Eve, my boyfriend and I spent the night together and he got me pregnant. It was a night I will never forget because for the first time, we watched an adult movie together and did everything that we could do from the video. When I realised that I was pregnant, I cried and he consoled me. Both of us agreed that we couldn't have the baby because we were students. I fell into depression. He borrowed the money for me to do the abortion.

My parents didn't know anything about it. only a couple of my friends knew that I was pregnant because I told them that I hadn't seen my period. These days, I notice that my boyfriend is not as close to me as he used to be. I always try to be excited when I see him and to make time for him, but he seems to be ignoring me. I asked him what's the matter, and he told me that it is hard for him to forget that he got me pregnant and I had to have an abortion. He even said that I should have had the baby.

I don't know how to understand what he really means because it was a decision that both of us made. Please tell me what I should do. I love him very much.

T.H.

Dear T.H.,

What is done cannot be undone. I know you know that, but I need to remind you. Your boyfriend and you engaged in unprotected sex, and when a couple does that, the woman might become pregnant. Again, you knew that.

This man and you decided to take the risk, and indeed, you got pregnant. Reality struck you when you became pregnant and you made the choice to terminate the pregnancy. You could have carried the pregnancy and gone back to school after the birth of the child. Your parents would have been disappointed in you. They might have kicked up a lot of dust, but they would not have killed you. But you cannot bring back what you have lost.

Your boyfriend is making it very difficult for you by behaving as if you are a wicked person and that he had nothing to do with the decision that was made. My suggestion is that both of you go to see a family counsellor for professional help. I hope that you will do well in school and that this young man will eventually marry you and both of you will establish a family together.

Pastor