Dear Pastor,

I must congratulate you on the good work you have been doing with your column. I am a regular reader and always like the way you give people advice on their different problems, and as such, I am seeking your advice on a problem that has been bothering me.

I was a social friend with a man I met in 2004 and I also developed strong feelings for him. We became intimate in 2011. That is when I found out that he was married to a colleague of his by accident. He said he thought I was aware.

So after that he told me everything, including where his wife resides. He said they only correspond by telephone. He also told me he was involved with someone else after we became intimate, and I started falling in love with him.

I would spend days at his house. When I am there, his cellphone hardly rings. We spend a lot of time together and he takes care of me. He said he has been in love with me from the first day he saw me. I have not been with another man all that time. I cook, clean, iron, wash and take very good care of this man.

female clothing

Things took a rocky path when one weekend I went at his house and I found female clothing there that didn't belong to me. We argued about it and he told me they were there before I started coming at his place. I would have seen them because I am the one who tidy his place regularly.

Each time I go to visit, I see more clothes there, and his explanation is that he told me he was involved with someone else.

Pastor, there wasn't any real evidence until about five months after we started sleeping with each other.

I don't know what to do now because I am already in love with this man. He was hospitalised last year August and I was not informed about it until three days after. I didn't know when he was discharged either. When I found out, I asked him if I should take time off from work to take care of him. He told me everything is taken care of by his mother and sister. I had to question it because how can I be with a man and he is ill and I am not there to take care of him? What kind of woman would I have been?

I left it alone, even though I wasn't comfortable.

One day, he shocked me when I went to his house. When I reached, it was about 7:30 p.m. I called him to open the grille for me and he asked me where I was coming from with the big bag I had.

I asked him what he meant, and told him I was coming to see him.

I told him I wanted to go to bed with him and he told me a lady was inside. I was shocked and the female came out of the house. All I did was to ask him to pack my things he had in the house and take them to me.

I told him that was the reason why I wasn't informed when he was hospitalised. I left with my heart rate collapsing and my blood-pressure level going up.

Not a day would pass and he doesn't call my phone. I ignored him until one night, while I was at home, he came with his charm and won me over by apologising, telling me that he missed and loved me and didn't want to lose me. At that point, nothing mattered more to me than to be back with him, because I had deep feelings for him.

Things went back to normal just like when we first became lovers. He even gave me a key to his house until his wife visited in October.

He didn't know she was coming because she phoned and asked him if he could pick up a friend of hers at the airport, and she surprised him.

Her visit lasted for a week, but he still didn't leave me out. He called me, texted me and we even visited each other the same because she didn't stay at the house.

Pastor, please help me make the right decision. I know it is only one out of two things I can do. I can either leave this man and his drama, or continue staying with him and his drama, but I have tried leaving him. It hurts so much that I went back to him. The triangle is breaking me down. I constantly have headaches and even get depressed over it.

I am really looking a committed, long-lasting and solid relationship with this man, but I don't want to invest anymore deep feelings, time and love on this man, and in the end I will sink.

Please, help me. I will be very grateful for your help. I love this man and he keeps on telling me that he doesn't want to lose me. We talked over and over, and he said I am blowing things out of proportion and that everything will be all right and it is not. I am going crazy.

Please, advise me on the situation.

K.

Dear K.,

You should know, by now, that this man is fooling you and that he does not intend to leave his wife and come to you. You heart is ruling your head. You know exactly what you ought to do. You shouldn't expect me to tell you.

Pastor