Dear Pastor,

Greetings to you. I am an American woman and I have been married to a Jamaican man for three years. I met this man in college. He was very charming and I fell in love with him. My parents and friends told me that I should be careful with Jamaican men because they are very rough. Before we got married, I told him what I had heard and how my friends discouraged me from having a relationship with him. The more I tried not to believe what people said about Jamaican men is the more I grew to love him.

I was not innocent when it came to sex. By talking to him I found out that I had, more experience than he had and that he lived a very sheltered life for a man. I had to teach him how to kiss.

When we went to spend a weekend together, he didn't even want me to see his genitals. As we got to know each other, that changed. And before we got married, I was carrying his child.

constantly calling

The problem is his relatives are constantly calling him and asking him for money. Both of us have good jobs, but we are only a trying couple. He sends money to them all the time but they will not stop asking.

I am tired of it.

Sometimes when he tells them he does not have it, we suspect that they make up stories to tell him why they need money, such as his parents are sick and they need money to go to the doctor, or something like that.

Pastor, please tell us what we should do. When the phone rings late at nights, I know that they are the ones calling to ask for money.

My husband is a good and generous man, but he has had it with his relatives.

Please give us your advice.

FT

Dear FT,

I believe that your husband has proven your parents and your friends wrong. Some people believe that all Jamaican men are rough, cruel and abusive but that is not true. Jamaican men, like most men, refuse to be pushed around and they stand up for their rights. They can also be charming and loving.

You have married a wonderful Jamaican man and both of you love each other and that is what is important. What others say does not matter much.

I do understand the concerns that you are having. Your husband's relatives are overbearing. They are always begging and they are taking advantage of him and, by extension, you.

It is good for a man to help his parents financially. But both of you feel the financial burden of having to address every request made for money. I would suggest that both of you decide on a monthly figure which you would send to his parents to assist with their expenses, and not deviate from that figure unless there is a dire emergency that they can prove.

His family will come to accept his decision once they see that he will not deviate from the position he has taken.

On the matter of the late-night phone calls, it is up to you and your husband to accept the calls knowing what requests will be made of you. His relatives should be told, however, that they should not call after certain hours of the night.

Pastor