Dear Pastor,

My husband and I are Christians and we have been married for many years. When my husband was a teenage Christian, he was in love with one of his classmates and she was in love with him, too. I was aware of this. She has been married for many years also.

To cut a long story short, because of their differing denominations, they parted ways but with deep regret on both sides.

For years, they were out of touch, but recently, my husband got in touch with her. Since then, they have become the best of friends again and are constantly in communication by phone, e-mail, and MSN.

My husband says this is normal behaviour for friends, but their frequency of communication appears excessive and abnormal to me. To me, they behave like infatuated teens. However, I have nothing with which to compare this behaviour as when I was a youngster, I had nothing to do with the opposite sex until I met my husband, so I have no similar relationships. We were admonished as youngsters to avoid boyfriend/girlfriend relationships, whereas in my husband's setting, this was permissible within the Christian community.

I accept that at the beginning of their 'reunion' (they live in different countries), they would have a lot to say, photos to exchange, information to impart, etc. But is it normal for this to continue with the same intensity? I am aware that he may be in love with her still as he was in love with another person, while we were engaged.

I would appreciate your views on this matter.

Thanks in advance.

God bless you.

P.

Dear P.,

Some may say that you should not be worried at all about the length of time your husband is spending on the phone with his old friend. Others might say that you ought to be concerned because "old fire stick easy to catch", and this woman can destroy your marriage if you do not take matters in hand.

What I would urge you to do is to tell your husband how you feel about the situation and suggest that he not spend so much time communicating with her. Make sure that you do not give him the impression that you do not wish for him to talk to her at all. On the other hand, if he says that he must, suggest that both of you go to see a family counsellor.

Pastor