Dear Pastor,

This is the first time I am writing to you. I have a boyfriend who is much older than I am. He is 43 and divorced. I am 22 and have a two-year-old son.

Whenever this man is coming to my house, he does not drive, although he has a car. He takes a taxi. Whenever he is ready to leave, he calls for another taxi to pick him up. I asked him why he doesn't drive. She said his ex-wife is still trying to follow him around, so whenever he leaves the car at home, and she drives past, she would see it and think that he is there.

Another thing that is strange, Pastor, is that he does not eat from me. He either takes cooked food with him or he orders pizza while he is at my home. We have talked about marriage, but he said he is not ready for that. I am not ready for it either. I am not sure I can be with a man who does not allow me to cook for him. I am a qualified person, but I can't get a job so I am glad we are friends because he is paying my rent and other bills for me.

robbing the cradle

He doesn't go to church but he is always encouraging me to. He does not take me anywhere, but he does not prevent me from going out. He has a son who is my age, so sometimes he says to me that he believes he is "robbing the cradle".

Since I met him, I have been faithful to him, but I could only see him once a week, either Saturdays or on Sundays. I have a strong sex drive so I have been tempted to cheat. Sometimes, when I feel lonely, I call the same guy and we engage in phone sex. Please, do not condemn me, Pastor. Just tell me, do you think I am too young for this guy. Do you believe the reason why he does not drive when he is coming to see me is because his ex-wife might trail him? I am looking out for your answer.

LR

Dear LR,

Let me begin with the age difference. If you are comfortable with this man's age, and he is comfortable with your age, then all is well. It is nobody's business whether you want a man who is, by far your senior or he wants a woman who could be his daughter. Some folks say age doesn't matter, but that is not true; it does matter because when a woman marries a man who is by far her senior, he might not function very well sexually and she would be at the peak of her sex life.

It is not a joke. You hear all the time that a woman's life begins at 40. A man who is over 40 has long past his sexual peak. So that is something for couples to consider. Never-the-less some woman have been able to cope with older men and indeed prefer older men.

very young

This man jokes about "robbing the cradle". If indeed he is waiting to become comfortable with you before taking you out, you should not fight that. Some of his friends are going to praise him for having a very young girl at his side, but some would tease him and tell him indeed he has "robbed the cradle". He might not be taking you out because he can't afford to be seen with you.

Concerning the story he has given you about not driving his own car to come to see you that might be an indication that he is living with another woman and she might question where he is going. She might be able to tell his location if he drives his car.

This man takes his own food because he might not be comfortable eating from you. He is helping you financially because he can afford to do so. Frankly, I would urge you to try to get yourself a job so that you can be in a position to support yourself and your child. This relationship is not smelling lovely; something is not right. Think about it. Ponder what I have said.

Pastor