Dear Pastor,

I have been reading your column for some time now, it's very interesting, continue to do your good work. I am 21. It has been two months since my boyfriend and I broke up. He is 23. The first time we met there was a mutual attraction, but we were both in relationships with other persons. Last October, my previous boyfriend and I ended things, we were together for two years. After some weeks, my current ex-boyfriend and I saw each other again. He asked me for my number but I hesitated because he was with someone and I don't like getting involved in other person's relationships.

He kept on asking and eventually I gave him my number. From that time, we have been together. However, we have been having disagreements and he says I stress him out. He lies to me sometimes and when I find out he gets upset and wants to end the relationship over silly things. If I do something wrong I am always willing to apologise. I love him a lot; he says he loves me, too. He says I don't trust him. I try doing that but I know he has a lot of female friends and ex-girlfriends who want him, and I try not to think about them.

We had a fight, nothing too bad. But I don't want it to happen in public or for anyone of us to badly harm each other. Since we broke up we've had sex. He is with another girl and we have slept together since he's been with her. He claims he has settled down, but I don't believe that. He has told me that I should move on, but I cannot stop thinking about him and I miss him a lot. We talk now and then but it's not the same. I saw him yesterday and he told me I looked nice and that I always do. I just don't know what to do, please help me.

J.C.

Dear J.C.,

I want you to come to yourself. And by that I mean that you have to learn that you are too easy to get. And you are too easy to believe every nonsense that these guys are telling you. It is not wise to move from man to man and to allow men to toy with your body.

You are 21 years old and you ought to learn by now that most men are liars, and perhaps the reason why you find it difficult to stop having sex with this guy is because he has learnt to sweet talk you and to wine and dine you, and to make you feel that you are special.

You left one man and he became your ex. You went to another, broke up and he too became your ex. But from time to time you are still sleeping with him, and you know that he has other women. And you know that he is lying. So come on, get real. You don't have anything these other girls don't have. So I repeat, you have not yet come to yourself to realise that you don't need a man to tell you that you are lovely. You ought to know.

So I suggest that you allow these men to go their way and that you change your lifestyle, turn around; put your life in God's hands. He will direct your path. There is a good man somewhere for you. Don't rush it. Get yourself an education. Men are not running away.

Pastor