Dear Pastor,

I wrote to you sometime last year regarding my situation with my husband, whom I told you was using me for his convenience in the marriage of five years. I told you he was mean to me and selfish. And in all the years we have been married, he has been the only one to gain from the marriage, not because he can't afford to, but because he chose a double lifestyle and one that is promiscuous and full of lies.

I told you how much I helped him financially, done my "wifely" duties, assisted him in accessing loans to get a car because he did not qualify for a loan.

I am the same woman who told you that my husband has forced me to sell my engagement ring because I refused to walk and beg or demean my body to gain money in order to buy personal things for myself as a woman. He does not support me at all. And even though he is in a good government job, he does not help. I am the same woman who told you that my husband kept pressuring me to give him a child even though he has not been supporting me financially, but promised that if I give him a child, things will be better.

I told you I refuse to give him a child because I know very well that if he hasn't supported me financially for five years, even without a child, why should I believe that he will do as he promised when he constantly lies and slept out for one full year in the marriage? He lied that he stayed by his father's house and his very father denied that he stayed there. And even after being put out of the

house after racking up three month's rent and disrespecting my entire family, I took him back.

Every single day I have to give my husband gas money to go to work. He rarely takes me to work and he rarely picks me up. I have to take public transport to work and walk my way home most of the time, which resulted in constant swollen, aching ankles.

I told you all that last year and all you did was to tell me I should be ashamed of myself that I had to let my menses come down on me simply because my husband didn't give me money to take care of myself when I lost my job. All you did was labelled me a contentious and miserable woman, without acknowledging the fact that my husband is worthless and neglect all his responsibilities as a husband, even though I requested prayers because sometimes I felt like hurting him due to all the lies, disrespect, selfishness from all the money that he used to get and all that he gained from this marriage through me.

Well, pastor, today I have decided to put him out for good. When I told his family how he treated me, they acted as if I am behaving "self righteous" and just wicked. But one thing I must say to all his sisters is that any day their husbands start to treat them just the way their brother treats me, I am sure they won't grin and bear it.

I have grown so bitter towards him that sometimes I fantasies obout killing him. I ask myself why I got married to bear all this with my husband. Why would I want to stay in such an unhappy marriage? This isn't love.

If my phone rings he can answer and I don't feel any way, but his phone has to be hidden with phone locks and all that and I never get him when I call. How contradictory when his phone is always pinned on him? You can view me as you like, but I know what I have experienced.

The day when you wrote me the reply, I felt so disappointed in your response and the names you called me without apology. I cried because I know you couldn't have Christ in you that day and told me that. Either that or maybe you are the same like him, or worse.

I am supposed to be a Christian and so does he. I am no longer sure I can say I believe in God anymore, because He sees my situation and I prayed to him daily to change my husband and teach him to treat me better and He does nothing. He allowed you to crush my faith when you responded with your pride by calling me names, and up to now you have not addressed what I shared with you with encouragement or prayer.

Women out there, I join with you this day if you have a hatred for men. It is hard to find honest, faithful men. Some of you think your husband or boyfriend is faithful to you and he loves you when he tells you so often. that don't prove a thing, because love is only shown through actions.

A.N.

Dear A.N.,

You have taken up almost all my column space to say how wicked your husband has been and how I crushed your faith. I want you to know that I remember you very well and I make no apology for what I said to you. I will not retract not even one word. You see faults in everybody, except yourself.

I cannot doubt that your husband needs professional help, but so do you. And I highly recommend that you see a psychologist as soon as possible. I hope that you feel much better by trying to bash me. What you have told me is proof that you are indeed a miserable woman and that you are bitter. So whatever you do, make sure you get some help for yourself from a professional.

Pastor