Dear Pastor,

This is the second time I am writing to you and I hope that you will answer me this time. It is a long time that I have been reading your column, and I like the way you deal with problems.

I am 26 years old and I am pregnant with my fourth child. The man who got me pregnant is married and his wife does not know that both of us were having a relationship. I am three months' pregnant. This man does not want me to carry the child. He said it will cause his wife to leave him and he cannot afford that. I told him that the pregnancy is too old for me to have an abortion, but he is saying that it can be done.

Pastor, both of us have been careless because I did not want to get pregnant and he did not want another child. So we have both made a big mistake.

He is such a loving and caring man. Nothing is too good for him to give me. It is over one year that we have been having a relationship, and he helps me to send my children to school. He also pays my rent.

I asked him what he would do if I carried the pregnancy and he said he would support it, but his wife may leave him. I promised him that it would be a secret between the both of us, but some people know that we are friends. He comes to see me at the apartment where I live and they recognise him because he is a government official. So, how will I explain my pregnancy? I know it's not their business, but people will talk.

I would like to hear your views on the matter because this relationship is becoming very stressful. He makes sure that I am not in need of anything in the house. I just want him for myself.

EE

Dear EE,

Well, first of all, I would not encourage you to have an abortion. Please carry the pregnancy. Do what is right.

After you have had your baby, the only thing you should insist on is that this man support his child. From what you have written, you should not have any difficulty in getting him to do so. On the other hand, if after you have given birth you begin to show up yourself to his wife and behave as if you have a claim on him, he might back away from you and refuse to give you support so as to protect his marriage. I am not saying that you should continue to be intimate with this man, because you know that he is married. All I am trying to say is that his responsibility would be to his child and not to you.

So, although you would love to have this man totally as your own, remember that he has his wife and children and does not have any desire to leave them and come to you.