Dear Pastor,

Greetings to you in the name of the Lord Jesus, your soon-coming King. This is my second letter to you. I got married in 2007. Everything was going well until I discovered that my husband was always talking on the phone. When I would ask who he was talking to, he would say it's a co-worker. One night we had a big fight over the same phone issue and he moved out. He came back after a few weeks.

I gave my life over to the Lord in 2009.

Sometimes my husband would leave the house saying he was going to a set-up with friends or to a family function. One evening he came home and found that the cooking gas was finished from the previous day. I had used the coal stove to cook dinner that day and had placed the blackened pot with the leftover rice and peas in the fridge. He came home from work, took the blackened and wet pot from the fridge and placed it on the settee. I pointed out to him that the pot had dirtied the settee and asked him why he had not put it on the table. He told me that I had the devil in me.

He pushed me and we started to fight. My son came into the room and saw him over me, thumping me in my face. My son used his cell phone to hit him in his face to get him to stop. Afterwards, my son apologised, but my husband walked out and stayed away for one year and five months.

One day a family member came and asked for my husband and I told him that he had not returned. The family member said he was going to look for him and encouraged me to go along. We found him at his workplace and the both of us talked things over.

He started to come back home, but things became worse. He told me he wanted to buy a car but could not find one for the right price. He said he needed more money to buy the car that he wanted and up until now he has not told me how much money he has to spend. I told him that a co-worker had a car selling for a certain amount, but he told me that he did not have that amount of money. He negotiated a price with my co-worker and eventually bought the car.

Pastor, from my husband bought the car I have only been in it twice and it was because he took me to work. When I got in the car, I saw evidence that another woman had been in there. He does not take me anywhere in it. Now he rarely comes home. He told me that his boss bought four tyres for the car and he has to work on weekends to pay him back. I have not seen my husband for the past two weeks. Each time I call him on his phone, he says he will soon link up with me.

I spoke to my pastor about what is happening. I want to divorce my husband.

Please give me your advice.

DR

Dear DR,

Your husband left you for over a year and it was not the first time he was leaving. Both of you were constantly having conflict to the point of engaging in domestic violence. After he left you the last time, you begged him to return and he did. He has not shown any inclination that he wants his marriage to work. He has been grossly disrespectful to you. I am sure that while he was away for a year he was not living as a eunuch or practising celibacy.

The car is not the problem. He is involved in another relationship and he is making excuses upon excuses why he cannot return home.

You have not said anything about seeking professional help through a family counsellor. Although you said you spoke to your pastor, before you make your final decision about divorcing your husband you should at least try to get professional help. Kindly ask your husband if he is willing for both of you to see a counsellor. If he says no, it might be time for you to talk to a lawyer.

Pastor