Dear Pastor,

I am 40 years old and my husband is 43. I am a nurse living in America. My husband was never interested in living in America. He has a good job in Jamaica. So I go to Jamaica as often as possible. When I am not on duty at nights, I speak to my husband for a long time. Sometimes he would say to me, "Alright, it's time for you to go to bed."

We do not have children and, although we have been married for 10 years, every time I go to see him it is like our honeymoon all over again.

Pastor, I went to Jamaica, suddenly, to give my husband a surprise. When I got to the airport, I called and told him to pick me up. He came. I did not think of anything bad. When it was time for us to go to bed and I lifted up the pillow, I was shocked to see a woman's panty. I asked whose panty it was. He said he wasn't aware it was there but it could belong to one of his daughters who lives in the country, came up to do an interview and had slept on the bed.

I knew right away that he was lying because he started to stutter. We have a guest room so his daughter would not have slept in our room. While I was there pondering, he went outside and was on his phone, calling his daughter and telling her what to say if I should call her. That night I refused to sleep with my husband.

I started to investigate and asked the day's worker if any woman came by there. She told me yes but I should not let him know.

Pastor, the woman who is fooling around my husband is my best friend. I confronted my husband and called my friend, but she denied it. When I told her that she forgot to take up her panty, she said it wasn't hers. I refused to give up the panty. I have it as proof that my husband and this woman were having an affair.

I don't want to lose my husband. I told him I would forgive him but he would have to come clean. Even when I left Jamaica, he would not tell me the truth. I would like to say I am sorry I went to Jamaica to give my husband a surprise. It would have been better for me not to known he was cheating. Do you agree?

FF

Dear FF,

I understand what you are trying to say. It is unfortunate that you had to find out, that way, that your husband was cheating on you. He has not admitted it as he is afraid he may lose you.

The silly reasons he gave for the panty being under the pillow cannot "hold water". Maybe the panty was left there on purpose, for someone to see, but not necessarily you, his wife. Perhaps this man was fooling around with other women and the one who left the panty there wanted to "stake her claim", if you know what I mean.

I am putting lots of thoughts in your head. However, the truth is the truth.

It is really unlikely that his daughter would have left her panty under the pillow, but a jealous lover would do so. A jealous lover might also leave it in the bathroom for it to be found.

You cannot be sure what took place, but the day's worker has given some information that would help you to come to some sort of conclusion.

Let me put it this way, long-distance relationships can be very taxing and stressful. You are working and living abroad and your husband is working and living in Jamaica and, as a result, so many things can go wrong. Bear that in mind as both of you try to resolve your unfortunate situation.

If you know you are not going to leave your husband, assure him of that fact and ask him just to tell you the truth. Try to get help from a family counsellor.

Pastor