Dear Pastor,

I am having a problem. I am 20 and I used to have lots of boyfriends. By the time I was 16 I had gone through seven guys. I had sex with all of them. They all loved me and respected me. Some of them were twice my age and they were middle-class guys.

At one time I had four cell phones, including two BlackBerries. I gave my mother one of the phones as a birthday gift. She thought I bought it from the money my father gave me, but I got it from one of my boyfriends. My father is not living with us.

My best boyfriend was so nice. He bought me sexy lingerie. He was a foreigner and he used to work with a foreign company in Jamaica. As I said, he was the best guy out of the lot but he is gone back to America to his wife.

I am now at university and my present boyfriend is working with government. I respect him to the max, but I think I am going to leave him because my parents can hardly afford to give me what I want and my father has retired. My boyfriend is always complaining that he does not have money because he has to help his mother.

Join his church

I am a changed person. I started to go to church with my boyfriend, but I don't like his church. And my boyfriend has been pressuring me to get baptised. I am not ready to get baptised. I told him when I am ready to get baptised I will tell the pastor. He said that before he can marry me, I will have to get baptised and join his church.

Pastor, I am not bad, but my eyes are on another man. I know he loves me and I love him. We have never had sex but he can give me everything I want, including a car. This man could be my father and he has two children in my age group. He and his wife are divorced but she is still living in the house but not on his side of the house. She is hoping to leave very soon and I could live there if I choose to do so. I am confused so I am asking you for your help.

C.W.

Dear C.W.,

You say that you are not bad. However, you did not behave as someone with good morals. You were having sex with Tom, Dick and Harry when you were a teenager. One may excuse you for being promiscuous and say that you did not know better. You were very fortunate that you did not get pregnant. Evidently your parents trusted you and were very naive.

Big money

Your present boyfriend is a Christian and is hoping to make you his wife. However, you are accustomed to receiving big money and that is going to create a problem. Secondly, you are probably attending church because of this man. You claim that you have changed, but by that you mean that you are not having sex with many guys anymore. You are not talking about a spiritual transformation.

I don't believe that the relationship that you are having with your present boyfriend will work. You ought not to get baptised because you are not truly ready to serve the Lord. The other man who is showing interest in you is able to support you and to give you "wheels." And you are looking in that direction.

You say that you are confused and you don't know what to do. Therefore, I suggest that you ask the man who is able to support you to accompany you to see a family counsellor and for both of you to discuss this matter with the counsellor. Before you make that decision, kindly tell your present boyfriend that the relationship that you are having with him will not work, so both of you should go your separate ways.

Pastor