Dear Pastor,

Blessings to you and your wonderful wife in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ. I have a problem that is bigger than I am. I am a 22-year-old university student and I am also a wife and a mother. I got baptised at a very tender age because I grew up in the church and my father is a pastor.

My problem is with my husband and his family. My husband's family hates me and says that I am not worthy enough for their son, because they are of another tribe. They worship idol gods, but my husband doesn't. They always say bad things about me and the child I have for their son that hurt. They are even calling me illiterate and stupid, but I know I am not any of these because I graduated from high school with 12 CXC subjects and five CAPE subjects.

I even had sex with my husband while his mother looked on. It was my mother-in-law's idea. I went along with it even though I wasn't pleased about the way she took advantage of me, but I did it to please her, and that wasn't enough for her.

The problem with my husband now is that he doesn't trust me because of the friendship I am having with a man. I have been with my husband for eight years, but were dating from I was 14. We started having sex when I was 16 and my husband was 20. That is when I lost my way with Christ, then I got married last year.

During that time, I have never cheated on my husband. I love him with all my heart. He took my virginity and I was led to believe that I took his also, but later on, I learnt that he lied to me on more than one occasion. I forgave him because I love him and wanted us to be together. After all, we are not perfect and we all made mistakes and do a lot of sinful things and God forgives us.

About three weeks after I forgave him, I found out I was pregnant, I met this man and that was when my husband changed. This guy and I are just friends. He never talked to me in any sexual manner or tried to disrespect my marriage, because he is also a God-fearing person like myself.

But my husband never believed me. He started to get abusive and aggressive. He would hit me for the least little thing. I must admit, Pastor, I have been thinking about cheating on my husband since lately, but it is the same man who my husband is insecure about who is talking me out of it. I have even tried to encourage my husband to let both of us go to see a marriage counsellor, but he has refused. I am running out of options what to do. I have done everything to please my husband and his family, but still my best isn't good enough.

Pastor, I am awaiting your advice and please pray for me as I continue to pray for you in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ.

J.S.

Dear J.S.,

When your so-called mother-in-law suggested that you have sex with her son, who is now your husband in her presence, you should have refused. She has done everything to indicate that she does not love or respect you. She has tried to make you feel like you are a common girl. In fact, she has told you that they are better than you.

I don't know where they are from, and frankly, I don't care who they are and how highly they think of themselves. I do know that there are some things that you should not subject yourself to. This man has become your husband, but his behaviour shows that he is trash and you should not allow him to beat you up and get away with it.

I would not encourage you to cheat. But I would encourage you to plan your future without him. If he continues to verbally and physically abuse you, and his side of the family continues to support him or encourage him to do so, you should begin to plan carefully how to live without him.

I want to say one more thing.

Although you are not having a sexual relationship with your male friend, you should not continue to have such a close friendship with him. Do not give your husband the impression that this man and you are having an intimate relationship.

Try your very best to go to church. Tell your father what you are going through. Ask for help. God will bless you if you put him first.

Pastor