Dear Pastor,

I love reading your column every day I get the chance and please keep up the good work. I am a 20-year-old young girl who has made a lot of mistakes in life. I am trying my very best to change my life. My life started to change after I met someone I knew before and we become friends.

I love him dearly. He makes me know that I am worth so much in life and he teaches me a lot of things. I have a son but he is not the father. The problem I am having is with his family. Because of my past life, I ended up with him at his house. He is living with his mother, sister, stepfather, and brother. I know it wasn't a good choice but I couldn't do better.

His mother and stepfather agreed for me to stay with them until my boyfriend got somewhere to live. I lived there for almost a year because it was hard on both of us, plus my boyfriend has an illness which is unexplainable and it doesn't allow him to do any work at all. I attend classes to help motivate myself and my stepdad helps me with it.

For the past few months, things started getting bad for us. I love his younger sister who is 14 years old dearly. Her mother, who is my in-law, used to leave her for months and didn't return and I stayed with her because her father works every night and has no time for himself. But she started to get out of hand. She leaves the house to go to her friends' house on some weekends and don't come home until the Monday after school. She claims that she asked her mother and father and they gave her permission.

Pastor, I objected to it because both parents don't know exactly where she is or her friend's parents. She is getting worst each day. One day her brother scolded her in front of her father because she was acting badly in her father's presence. Her mother came home some months ago and things are getting even worse. She doesn't listen to her parents anymore and she says whatever she pleases to them, and instead of scolding her, her mother sat down and cried.

Some days ago, I was at work (I work with my boyfriend's great-grandmother), and I went to the house (which is nearby) to get my son. He was asleep when I left. When I was leaving the house with my son, my boyfriend's older sister's daughter told me that she was coming with me. Couple minutes after, I went back over just in time to hear my little sister-in-law cursing really bad saying that I called her "gal".

I confronted her about it and she came up to me and told me that my boyfriend and I should leave her father's place. While she was cursing, her mother stood there and said nothing. I had to ask her why she hates her brother so much and she didn't reply. I went back to work and told my boyfriend's great-grandmother with tears in my eyes. She told me that I should pack our things and come to stay with her. When my boyfriend came home, he realised that something was wrong, so he asked me. I told him and he went over the house and heard his sister telling his mother to put him out. His mother didn't say anything. She just sat down.

We left the night, but his relatives are still against him. No one has asked what went down. I am cut up inside and confused. I am asking myself where I went wrong. I am asking for your advice.

E.

Dear E.,

You are a total stranger. You are in love with a man who was living in his parents' house, but you were never welcome there. You tried to blend into the family and even to bond with them, but it hasn't work. To them you are a total stranger who was squatting. I know you are not squatting, but they are looking at you as a squatter, especially that you were not paying rent.

Your boyfriend is unable to help because of his illness. They should be happy that you are talking care of their relative who is not well. Again you are staying with another of your boyfriend's relative. I hope that both of you will not be there for long.

The parents of this 14-year-old girl cannot control her. She is likely to cause them much distress. Stay out of their way. Say nothing negative about them. Remember you are the stranger in their midst and they can all turn on you. Try and get your own apartment as soon as possible and live on your own.

Pastor