Dear Pastor,

Greetings to you and your wonderful staff. I have read your column for many years. You could say I revel in other people's colourful lives. I can't say I concur with all your recommendations but I respect them.

School was a challenge for me, so please excuse my elementary writings. I am having a common problem faced by many men since the beginning of time. I am involved with two exceptional women. I know this sounds awful and you are already formulating your response but hear me out. I am deeply in love with both women and I can't see myself without either. Each provides a need that is essential to my existence.

I consider myself a hybrid man, a social butterfly and a reserve companion. I was born this way. I love to party, hang out with friends, play football, play dominoes, among other things. On the flip side, I also enjoy chilling at home watching a movie, not answering the phones and I personally don't care for house guests.

Now, I have these two magnificent ladies who satisfy both aspects of my life and I am extremely content. Before you start on your diatribe, I know this is morally wrong but why should I sacrifice my happiness? I do everything within my powers to ensure they are both happy and I can't see why I can't have them both.

There is not a financial need from either of the ladies because they are employed. The only need they have is my time which I have so far successfully provided. Both women wish they could have me to themselves but that would amputate a vital part of my lifestyle and cause me to be dejected.

I am faithful to both women and I would never cheat on them. I know this is an oxymoron but it's true. I am not a religious scholar but I have read were Islam is the neighbouring religion to Christianity. Why is it that in Islam you are allowed to have more than one wife and not under Christian teachings?

I don't wish to sacrifice either part of my hybrid life because then life would not be worth living. I am not suicidal. I can almost predict your response but there is no other way for me to be happy because there is too much love to give.

R.

Dear R.,

You can live whatever life you want to live. You can say whatever you want to say and do whatever you want to do. You can continue to be as cynical as you wish. I will not be moved. You have not impressed me at all by what you have written. Your letter has demonstrated that you are a boob and your wish is to try to mock me. But I got news for you, any intelligent person reading your letter would come to one conclusion, you are a joker and your jokes are not witty.

Pastor