Dear Pastor,

I didn't know the day would come that I would have to write to you. I must tell you that my sister and I love you dearly. I am a Jamaican and I am living in the US I didn't have my papers, and I met a man who is from another Caribbean country, and he helped me to get my papers. I am grateful to him for that. I am from a poor background, but I do my best to take care of my mother. She raised seven of us without a father.

I really appreciate this man for what he has done for me because I can travel to see my mother without fear, which makes me very happy. But since I got married to this man, my life has been a living hell. His family got involved in our relationship when they found out that he was going to help me to get my papers. They told him that he should move out and leave me because I was going to leave him when I got my papers. But that is not the case.

his insurance

I love my husband, but his family is stressing me out. I ended up having to do surgery. One of his brothers told him not to let me use his insurance. My husband didn't even come to see me in the hospital. All he does is pay the rent. Sometimes I have to help him pay the rent and he doesn't want to contribute towards anything in the house. All he does is gamble and take care of his 21-year-old kid.

This man blew $5,000 without buying a pair of socks. He has a car, and the only time I can drive it is when he cannot buy gas. We don't have any children together, and I am happy about that. We have been married for six years. He treats me like a dog. He even told me that if he has to choose, he would choose his family over me. He has put his hands on me a couple times. Sometimes I leave the house for a week because I cannot deal with the stress.

never cheated

All he does is watches my money and says that all I do is send my money to Jamaica. He has been in this country for over 35 years and all he owns is a microwave. I have never cheated on him. All I do is work and go home. I don't have friends. Whenever I am going to Jamaica, his family tells him that I am going to look for my man. I invite him to come with me but he doesn't want to come.

I think this man is just using me for sex and because he has a clean place to come home to and good food. He has no respect for me at all. I think I am done, but I don't want to be ungrateful, and I don't want anyone to think that it was all about getting my permanent status. I am unhappy and I cannot sleep at nights. I am awaiting your advice.

P.

Dear P.,

I hate to tell you to move on, but I must. This man is a user and if you are not careful, he will bleed every cent that you have. He is not treating you as a wife and the reason is because he does not see you as his wife. He sees you as a "gal." He is rude and out of order.

You have expressed your gratitude for what he has done for you, but he is taking advantage of the situation. The question is, what are you getting out of this relationship? I will answer the question for you: nothing but abuse. Do you see this man sharing your life and taking care of you when you become a senior citizen? Would he stop gambling away his money? What does he have saved for retirement?

Put on your thinking cap. Go and see a lawyer and set yourself free.

Pastor