Dear Pastor,

I am a 19-year-old woman dating a man who is 51. When someone told my father about our relationship, my father came to the house one Saturday to talk to me about it because my father is not living with us. I am living with my mother, two sisters and one brother. My father loves me and he supported me until I was 18.

When I was 18, he told me that I should try and help myself by getting a job because he has other children to support. That is when I met this man who became my boyfriend. My father wanted to meet him and I got a big shock in my life. My father knows him. They grew up together in the same district and were good friends. My boyfriend kept asking my father, "Is your daughter for true?" I was embarrassed and my father was shocked. It was the first time I have seen my father lost for words.

Pastor, I am having a problem now because I don't know what my father is thinking. He asked me one day when I called him on the phone if I couldn't get a younger man. But, pastor, this man has not only helped me, but he has also been helping my siblings and he has promised to help me go back to school. He has two children but he is not married. I am a little confused, so please give me your advice.

S.C.

Dear S.C.,

First of all, let me commend you for introducing your man friend to your father. I want to say to you that you have a good father. He tried his very best to support you and he is hoping that you would do very well in life. I can imagine how shocked he was when he became aware that your man friend and himself grew up together in the same district. I am assuming that they are in the same age group. But I want to tell you that you have not done anything wrong. This man and you fell in love and he has been assisting you financially, and he has also been helping your siblings.

Your father is concerned about his age but you are old enough to make your own decision although your father might feel embarrassed. You should try your very best to get closer to your dad and to ask him for guidance on this matter. I hope that you would indeed go back to school and get yourself a good education. Your future is bleak without having a good education.

Pastor