Dear Pastor,

I am married for one year now and I am having problems already with my husband. When I met him, I thought he was genuine. I was married before, but my husband divorced me when he found out that I couldn't get pregnant. I underwent major surgery.

When I met my present husband and he told me he loves me, I told him that I can't have children. He said that did not matter to him. We corresponded for a year and then we fell in love. Sometimes we were on the phone for hours. When my parents met him, they loved him and my friends the same.

I went to Jamaica and we got married and I filed for him. It didn't take long for him to start to run around with other women. Whenever we went out, he didn't acknowledge me as his wife. Every day he wanted more and more of my money to go out and sport with his friends. I asked my friends at church to talk to him and they did and he got mad and said that I am taking our business to church. So he stopped attending church, and on Sundays when I am getting ready for church, he would still be in bed. And when I come home from church, he would be watching television. He doesn't even help me with the cooking.

I found out that he was seeing a young girl who had just graduated from high school. He told me that he wanted a child and I couldn't give him any, so he has to have one with another woman. I told him that he couldn't stay in my house and have an affair with another woman. We had a big argument and he called me a mule. I couldn't believe that this was the man who told me that it never mattered whether I could get pregnant. When we planned the wedding, he had nothing to contribute. I had to stand everything. He had a suit but I had to buy him a pair of shoes.

Now he is telling me that he is sorry for what he told me. But, pastor, I know the trick. He is only saying that he is sorry because he knows that his green card is in danger. I am planning to put him out, but his people are asking me to give him another chance.

I know this marriage is not going to work but I would like to hear from you.

M.N.

Dear M.N.,

I am sure that you are right. But some of you women are not learning at all. Some of you are allowing young guys to make fools of you although many of you women are much older than the guys. These men use you and dump you. It is sad.

It is only a matter of time before this marriage will go to pieces. This man might say that he is sorry for what he told you, but it is still in his heart. He has insulted you by calling you a mule. He has changed his mind about not wanting a child. In fact, he has always wanted to father a child but he lied to you because he wanted the opportunity to live in the United States. He is a user. He cannot be trusted.

Having said the above, I would nevertheless, suggest that you talk to him about seeing a family counsellor and make the necessary arrangement as early as possible.

Pastor