Dear Pastor,

Hope you are doing well. I am a young girl in my early 20s. I can't seem to understand why after a couple years out of a relationship I can't get over the guy I gave my heart to. No matter how I tell myself or my friends that my love for him is gone, it clearly isn't.

Well, I have got over some things like the fact that I can see him and try very hard to act like I don't care. I can now listen to songs we dedicated to each other and not cry anymore, but otherwise I still think about him even though I have been with other guys after him. I cry some nights because I miss him and I want him back. I wonder what he is up to if he still thinks about me as I do about him.

Pastor, I still love him even though he did hurt me and tore my heart out, lied and may have cheated. We shared a connection, friendship and trust. I really thought I found my love when I met him because he really showed me he cared, but I couldn't have stayed there because I was getting hurt. No matter how much I told myself look past it, I couldn't give him another chance and now I am stuck wondering if I made the right choice. I have not found love again because I really barred my heart from falling for anyone again.

Yes, I have given up on love for any man after him because all that is in my head is that this upcoming guy will hurt me and so far the ones I gave a chance would have hurt me if I cared like I should have. I have grown to be very protective of this love thing. But will this wreck me?

Don't say I don't know what love is and I am too young to know because I know what it is how you feel and how you act when you are in love. I definitely knew that I was very deeply in love.

Please help me.

K.G.

Dear K.G.,

You have taken a decision not to establish any new relationship. You feel that you will get hurt. You believe that all men are bad and cannot be trusted. You are no different from the men who say that all women are bad and cannot be trusted. Happiness is a choice and you have chosen not to be happy and you are wasting your time moping over a relationship that is dead.

You need to remember that not every relationship works and breaking up is not always easy. But some couples have learnt to walk away when they realise that it is not prudent to remain together. You are not punishing the young man with whom you have had a relationship. It is finished and it's time for you to consider it dead and bury it.

Pastor