Dear Pastor,

I met this man for about one year and five months. When I met him he was looking horrible, but behind that busy face I saw a good man who just needed help, care and love, so I started to talk to him. He would come by my home to eat and talk. Sometimes he used to be there for the whole day and night.

I wasn't working at that time because I was recovering from an accident. I started to notice that something was wrong, but I just couldn't figure what it was. A few days after I was home, my neighbour called me and told me that some police were looking for the guy I am with. I went to speak to them and they told me that my boyfriend is a policeman. They said that he was mentally ill. It was shocking at first but because I had grown to like him, it didn't matter to me. They took him to the hospital and they admitted him because he had a relapse and his system was full with ganja. That was when I found out that he had a brother and sister. I had to visit him at the hospital for three weeks because he didn't have anyone who cared for him that much. His sister was just there because she wanted his bank card. His brother was in Kingston so it was hard on him to come often. His sister cursed me out and never one day brought juice for him.

Pastor, I did all I could to support him. After he came out, they wanted him to be with someone else. They said they would send him to a home in St Elizabeth, but some of his colleagues and the doctor saw his progress and how I made him happy and come back to reality. They encouraged us to move in together. I did some research on his condition and I adjusted just to make him comfortable. People looked down on me but I didn't care because I thought that I found Mr Right despite his odds.

He never missed a doctor's appointment and I made sure he took his pill and went to work. But, pastor, I never knew that this man would come to disrespect me, hate me and abuse me. The man move out on me in secret and brought police at the house to say that I might try to do him something. I was so upset that I destroyed almost everything he had. Three months before he moved out, he started to accuse me of carrying man in the house. He called me a bitch and a nobody. He said that I am no good, but yet I didn't run because I knew that something was wrong at first.

Pastor, I can't talk to anyone, especially if he is a male, because he is going to curse and say that the person is my man. I used to sleep on the couch and he said he heard when a man told me to take time. He said that I had sex beside him with a next man on the bed, which is not true. I had to stop talking to all the guys I used to talk to and only communicate with my family and some of his friends and family.

Now, he is telling me that my vagina is too big and that his penis is too small for me so he is going to look a tight vagina. He even cursed me to say that he can't get me pregnant and he needs a child. He claims that he loves me to death but at the same time he is disrespectful to me. I just don't know what to do. I am under so much stress because I want to leave, but if I do, he is going to get worse and lose his job. Right now I have to be where he is because I don't want anyone to take advantage of him because he is not all mad.

I want to have a better life, but I just don't know how to move on. He has done a lot for me. For us life is good and happy as long as he is on medication.

What should I do, pastor? I am awaiting your response or someone to talk with or just to listen to me. I am in tears. I can't eat and I just don't know what to do. Continue doing the wonderful job you are doing. We all love you a lot. Not a day could pass and I don't read your column or listen to your radio programme. Your programme keeps my company most nights. Keep me in your prayers.

C.B.

Dear C.B.,

You are a very special woman. God made you special and has given you a heart to love this unstable man. So it is not for me to tell you to move on. When you have had enough of him, you will do exactly that. He has been disrespectful to you and has made derogatory remarks and you are still with him. Very few women will allow men to describe them in such a demeaning way and they stay with them. When you can't take it anymore, you will move on. In the meantime, I wish you well.

Pastor