Sex toys, threesomes, bondage, fetishes, swinging - it seems just having sex is not enough anymore. As sexuality evolves and people become more curious about new things, are limits even necessary? With all the new options that become available, most persons have broken the rules and tried things that they wouldn't have even considered trying in the past.

One major limit of a lot of Jamaicans was oral sex. Ten years ago, even mentioning going down on someone was considered almost sinful. Today, there are persons who lead with "Hey, anybody eva eat yuh yet? Yuh look like yuh taste good." Some facets of society still don't approve of 'eating below the sheets'; this is evident in the lyrics of dancehall music.

Dancehall is very vocal about how far one should go sexually, because the songs 'bun out' quite a few things - homosexuality, anal sex, oral sex, freaky sex - to name a few. Ultimately, what do individuals use to determine their own limits?

When it comes to sex, how far is too far? The great thing about setting limits is that they can be moved. As options and circumstances change, so can your thoughts on how you feel about a particular sexual activity even if you consider it something you will never do today.

legal act

What are the things to consider when looking at sexual limits? Is the act legal? This is pretty straightforward; you don't want to go to prison because you want to have an orgasm. It can be very exhilarating to try something illegal, like having sex in a public place or even using a controlled substance while doing the nasty, but just don't get caught.

Am I being responsible about my health? I know it's not sexy to be thinking about STI's HIV, when you are feeling aroused, but they are part of our sexual reality. It is important to observe all the necessary safety precautions so your fun times don't end up costing you your health. Certain activity will be more risky than others, so make sure you are aware of your options.

Can this act affect my professional life in the future? There are many persons taking pictures and making videos of their sexy times and in the moment it looks and feels like a great idea. What about afterwards? We have seen the sex tapes that make their way on to various websites and become a very embarrassing consequence of the persons in them.

videos or pictures

If you decide to capture your sexy moments, make sure you know where the videos or pictures are and keep them securely stored. A great suggestion is to delete them once you have watched them.

How will I feel if what I'm about to do is exposed? I have a simple mantra: I don't do anything I cannot admit to. Simply put, if you are concerned about anyone finding out that you have engaged in some activities you cannot admit to in the future, maybe you should consider not even participating.

My grandmother once told me that the only way three people keep a secret is if two of them are dead.

Can I die doing this? This is another self-explanatory guideline. There are some persons who are into being on the edge and trying dangerous things, e.g., choking, cutting, extreme bondage. Choking seems to be an added delight on the sexual menu nowadays, but persons have actually died because their partner lost control when they were in a chokehold. Just be careful if you choose to try any of these activities.

Personally, I believe that the pleasure experience should be limited only by the imaginations of the parties involved. Don't be afraid to speak up, ask for what you want, and say no when you are not interested.

But you should always secure your personal safety. Be sure about the choice you made to participate and, above all, have fun with the experience. Sex is best when it is intimate and pleasurable for all involved, so go get your freak on! Stay sexy.

Dear Shelly,

I just started a new relationship with a great girl, but she does not get an orgasm when we have intercourse. She does have one when I go down on her, though. So is it that she doesn't like intercourse? How can I give her an orgasm like that?

Patrick, Mandeville

Dear Patrick,

Your girlfriend is not so strange at all; most women can only get an orgasm through clitoral stimulation, rather than vaginal penetration. If you find that she is having difficulty reaching climax through penetration, try stimulating the clitoris during intercourse. This usually helps, plus it feels really good to her!

Stay sexy!

Shelly