Dear Readers,

R.H. (not her real initials) is a 38-year-old female who writes Lifeline from a St Catherine address. She tells Lifeline that during her lifetime she has had several types of relationships. She has been involved in homosexual relationships, heterosexual relationships at which time she birthed a child, then homosexual again.

For the past few years, she has abstained from sex totally and is seeking a real relationship with God and Jesus Christ. R.H. says she is trying to find real meaning for her life and to set an example for her teen. She tells Lifeline that it was only recently that she recalled a sexual abuse by a family member which occurred for a time when she was six.

She just didn't remember this before, and then she just recalled the incident, suddenly. She now recalls it in detail, but she had never told anyone what had happened as a child, and she just forgot about it totally. R.H. wonders why she would recall the incident just now; how she managed to forget it's occurrence for so long and asks Lifeline if she should act on her memory in any way.

large repercussions

Several of her family members who she lived with as a child are now deceased, including her parents, and she hasn't seen the person involved (a male) for many years. She believes he might be married for many years now and have a family. R.H. wonders if this episode didn't have large repercussions in her life and might, perhaps, have something to do with her partner choices and the conflicts she has experienced in her own life.

R.H. is a strong woman. Her life has been far from easy and she has come to a point where she is somewhat self-sufficient and is reflective of her life events. She has studied and is now gainfully employed. She is somewhat secure. It has taken her a lifetime of emotional struggles to reach this point of reflection and some acceptance of herself. She has healed enough emotionally for her subconscious to allow her to recall the past trauma which she experienced.

This again speaks positively to her current emotional strength and hard-found-but-present abilities to now cope with dealing properly with the trauma which has influenced her entire life so profoundly.

R.H. needs to continue to talk about her life and her childhood assault with someone trained to help her. She is far from being alone in her experience of childhood assault and its negative impact on the life of the one assaulted. She also has a lot of company in the fact that so many of these assaults go unreported and the perpetrators go unpunished. Without counselling in her past, it is most unlikely that her past experience of abuse did not influence her life choices over the years.

The psychiatric term for R.H.'s experience is REPRESSION. Her mind repressed the adverse memory until it had healed enough for her to cope with remembering the experience. At 38, R.H. needs to put the past behind her fully, and with the knowledge that she has faced her experience and dealt with it in an acceptable manner, she should sort out what road her future path should take.

In order to achieve this, she should seek expert counselling at this time and a mental-health physician would be best, as life's paths are often a struggle with the conflicts and pressures of everyday living, apart from the serious mental burdens she is also carrying.

R.H. is to be commended for facing her ghosts and attempting to put them to rest. She should not act on her memories without seeking medical and even legal advice. The assault occurred many years ago and was unreported, so she will need legal advice on how to proceed with that, or even if, at this time, a legal approach is appropriate.

Lifeline advises ultimately consultation with a mental-health physician, although a good family physician with 'listening ears' could also make a start with organising the healing process. Lifeline will be happy to remain as a resource for R.H. if she wishes to remain in touch.

Write to:

Lifeline,

PO Box 1731,

KGN 8

AJM