Dear Pastor,

I am having a problem that I thought would never happen to me. I am currently 21 years old and I am having a bit of a problem.

I started dating my best friend's ex in December of last year. He used to show interest in me from high school, so I decided to give in and date him. He is two years older than I. Due to this, my so-called best friend decided to cut off our friendship, even though we have known each other for over 10 years and she had known him for less. They dated in high school for a couple of months but she left him. That is why I was confused by her anger, since they had broken up over six years ago.

She chose to keep her friendship with the guy. However, he ended it because of how she acted. She made it seem as if I was some cheap whore who got together with her ex. She used to insult me, even go as far as to make a post on facebook to embarrass me publicly. He wouldn't allow her to continuously hurt me, so he ended the friendship with her.

Things got worse because my boyfriend cheated with another girl. Since January of this year, I found out that he was still with his girlfriend while he was with me. I was shocked to hear about it and I didn't believe it until I confronted him. He admitted that he was with another girl and that he will break up with her because we got serious. I didn't want to be his laughing stock, so I told him to go back to that girl. He insisted that he loved me more and that he would break up with her. I ignored his pleas because I was pretty hurt.

A few days later he showed up at my doorstep telling me that he had cut all ties with that girl and that she was no longer an option for him. I was a fool to believe him and take him back.

We continued dating, even going as far as creating a joint account and a savings plan for our future. We both get along well with each other's family and we get along well with each other, even though we have the occasional headbutts.

I found a naked picture of a girl on his laptop. I asked him about it and he said that it was his ex who was trying to get back with him. A lie. So I did some research and found the girl on facebook. I talked to her and asked her what was her connection to him. She told me the two of them were still together, but he broke up with her on that day. Intrigued and angry, I questioned her more only to find out that they had sex on a couple of occasions while we were together. I was devastated because he knew how much I hate infidelity. I have been reminded of that almost every time we were together. So for him to cheat on me, it was a big shock, since he always said how much he loved me. And it wasn't just his words, his actions proved that he loved me. I found out that all what he told me about her was a lie. He lied to me that he wasn't contacting her and that he didn't know that she had gone overseas when he did. After all, he had sex with her the day before she left the island, which was a week before my birthday. His defence was that he didn't want to hurt anyone, that he didn't want to be seen as the bad guy. So he slept with her to make her not feel bad. That is b..s... because he claimed that he didn't care about her, that he was trying to avoid her, yet he was in constant contact with her. He claims that talking to a person constantly doesn't show love than actually going out of your way to meet with the person. Since he always talked to her and not meet her but would always meet me no matter if we were both busy with work or school. I broke up with him after I found out that he was keeping a secret, which was his relationship with that girl.

I am utterly hurt, angry and confused, because I trusted this guy more than I trusted anyone. He is my second boyfriend and I've never felt as strongly about anyone as I did for him.

He has been trying constantly since then to make it up to me. Going as far as attempting suicide after I left him.

But sometimes I wonder if it's fate that we met. I need your advice. Should I go back to this guy who has hurt me so much before? Or should I move on with my life, even though I love him this much?

I am looking forward to your reply.

K.

Dear K.,

You helped to create the problems that you are encountering with your boyfriend. You should not have become intimate with your girlfriend's ex-boyfriend. He is a liar from the beginning. The young woman still considered him her boyfriend although they were having some disagreements. How could you expect her to still consider you a good friend when you were involved with her man?

This man doesn't mean you any good, so please move on. He loves his women. You are only one of them. You are not special in his life.

Pastor