Dear Pastor,

I am a 21-year-old female two months pregnant for a 40-year-old man. He is a family friend. I was living with my grandmother for five months in the States, and only started having sex with him after being there for four months. We had sex a few times and now I am pregnant. He wants me to keep the pregnancy, but at the same time, he understands how my family would react so he says that he is okay with any decision I make.

He rents a room in my grandmother's house. He has a two-year-old child whom I love as a family friend. I do love this man but I know I can never be with him because of my family, especially my grandmother. They will never agree with the relationship. My grandmother always calls him a "dutty bwoy."

I am contemplating whether or not to keep this baby. I still live with my mom in Canada. I don't know what to do. I am just worried about what my family would think of me. Also, it is so hard for me to think of having an abortion because I had one when I was 19, and I fear that God will take away my blessing and I will never be able to have kids again if I have an abortion. I am so confused.

I am supposed to start nursing school in August. I just don't know what to do. If my family would not find out I would keep the baby and live with my babyfather. What should I do?

P., Canada

Dear P.,

When I first started to read your letter, I said to myself, "This girl is naïve. This 40-year-old man should have protected her and not get her pregnant." But after reading on, I came to realise that you are not naïve. This is your second pregnancy. When you were 19, you became pregnant and you terminated it. You are not naïve to sex. You know its sweetness and its bitterness. This man and you chose not to use protection. Hence, you knew that any woman who engages in having unprotected sex may become pregnant.

What your relatives would say now is not very important. Your grandmother describes this man as "dutty bwoy". Evidently, you love the "dutty bwoy". I cannot encourage you to do an abortion and "dutty bwoy" doesn't want you to terminate the pregnancy. And you are quite willing to go and live with him. I am not encouraging you to do that either. But what I would encourage you to do is to tell your relatives such as your mother and your grandmother that you are pregnant and allow the chips to fall where they may.

Pastor