Dear Readers,

Ann Rob is a 16-year-old who writes Lifeline from Portmore with an interesting question. "Why should I stay a virgin?" This writer says that many of her friends are not virginal, not even some of those that her parents trust! Most of her sexually active friends are doing quite well in school, are quite mature and are preparing to study further to better their lives.

"Those girls know how to take care of themselves!" Ann. writes. She feels torn as she likes the idea of "saving" herself for marriage, but she is also very curious about the sexual experience. She enjoys kissing her friend and he is not asking her for sex "yet", but trying it out is a real temptation.

During the 'teen' years, sexual hormones begin to 'flow' and sexual urges occur. The body is ready for sex, but our society tells us to WAIT and encourages females, even more than men, to remain virginal. So really, why wait? The decision to remain virginal, or to abstain from sex if already sexually active, is always a personal one. No matter what parents or caregivers may say, no one can watch over an individual morning, noon and night. The decision to have sex or not is really up to the person making it. Some reasons to wait are obvious, such as:

To avoid pregnancy

To avoid exposure to sexually transmitted infections (STIs)

To adhere to Christian and other religious beliefs about the behaviour of women

Below the legal age limit of consent where the partner risks a sex charge, even if there was consent.

Waiting on marriage

To complete school or college and allow one's focus to remain on the work as education is expensive and failing because of distractions should be avoided.

The truth is that for many individuals their bodies are ready for sexual adventure long before their minds are mature enough to cope with the many complications which can occur. Deciding to become sexually active is a big decision. How well do you really know the intended partner? In the teen years, girls tend to be a lot more stable than boys. When sexual relationships break up, the individuals are more likely to experience more hurt than with a platonic relationship. When you have not committed your 'very body' to a relationship, hurt is often less if the split comes. The sexual act itself is linked with the production of hormones in the body which cause emotional bonding, hence breaking up can be really painful!

Again, STI's are prevalent in our communities and many people are not aware that they have them and don't discover them until routine testing is done or symptoms start to manifest. Discharges, sores, ulcers and blocked tubes are only some of the outcomes of STI's. Further ramifications include not being able to have children later on in life. After just two episodes of pelvic inflammatory disease (PID) which usually result from STIs, more than 60 per cent of women are infertile!

Because of this risk to women practising safe sex if sexually active is a must! One of the saddest things is to see an 18-year-old female, at the beginning of her fertile life with blocked tubes and no hope of motherhood in the future!

Another reason to beware of early sexual activity is that sex without serious commitment can become a 'learned' behaviour. A person can find it really hard to remain monogamous (single partner) later on in life if they have become accustomed to a wide variety of sexual partners.

Hence the many men who claim to love their wives but who still freely enjoy external sex until the day life becomes complicated with "outside" children and their care and diseases like AIDS! Then life can become a bitter tragedy with broken trust, hatred and broken relationships! All because of a failure to give sex some dignity and specialness earlier in life.

Many men and women do appreciate when their partners come to marriage without too much sexual experience as it makes that relationship special. All statistics show that it is in those relationships where the persons have 'waited' for sex, that marital sex is most valued. Fidelity is highest in these relationships.

In the end, the decision to become sexually active or to cease sexual relationships, or to remain virginal is a very personal call. However, peer pressure is never a good reason. It's easier to go along with what seems the norm among people, but that doesn't make it the right decision for that individual in the long run!

Write to: Lifeline, PO Box 1731, KGN 8