Dear Pastor,

Greetings in Jesus name. I am 19 years old and I am a university student. I have a boyfriend. He is an American. I met him online and I fell in love with him. He sent me pictures and I sent him pictures of myself too. He is very handsome, but he is twice my age. He was also married, but he is now divorced. He has two children. He also has an ex-girlfriend. He broke up with her after meeting me. I used to be a Christian, but this guy has caused me to change. I was a virgin and this guy has taken my virginity online. We do online sex on weekends, especially on Saturdays.

My friends told me that I am still a virgin but I don't consider myself a virgin anymore because after I broke my maiden, I bled. I love this man so much although there is distance between us. He sends me money every week, but I am also falling for another guy who is my neighbour. We have never had sex and he has nothing to give me.

Please tell me what to do. I am becoming addicted to online sex and I need the money.

A.H.

Dear A.H.,

There was a time only prostitutes would admit that they engage in certain types of sex. People didn't speak freely about oral sex, phone sex and online sex, but now they do.

Little girls and boys talk about it and practise it. Teenagers engage in it openly. And those who do not practise it are considered weird. Phone sex is very popular between married couples when they are apart for any long period. Young people like to engage in phone sex. Then older men seem to delight in it.

Teenage women search certain dating sites and become friendly with older men. And these older men go crazy over girls they meet on these sites. Men send money to girls all over the world they have not personally met, but with whom they do phone sex and internet sex. I have been told that crazy things, weird things are done over social networks. High school students, college students, university students, etc. are involved. These girls who collect money regularly don't consider themselves whores, but they live off these men, and their parents don't have a clue about what is going on.

You have been enjoying this man's money, but it comes with a cost. You show him what he wants to see and you do what he requests of you. He most likely would do what you request of him. Is it any wonder then that you don't consider yourself a Christian anymore? Have you ever wondered who else is seeing you performing these sexual acts and whether they are recorded?

You ask about your virginity. Some people would say that because there was no penis to vagina contact, you are still a virgin. But you know what you have used to break your hymen and it was a substitute for the penis. I am not going to argue whether or not you are still a virgin.

Online sex is indeed an addiction. Some couples think that it is great fun to watch each other perform. Some consider it entertainment, but soon realise that they become depressed after doing it, but the desire to continue remains because money is involved.

Money is your motive. That's how it started and that's how it's continuing. If this man were to stop sending you money, you would lose interest in having online sex with him. It is a behaviour disorder and you need psychotherapy. I believe that you should seek sexual addiction treatment from a professional. I, therefore, suggest that you make an appointment to speak to a certified sexual-addiction therapist. Talk to a medical doctor or call a psychologist and he/she would be in a position to refer you to one.

Pastor