Dear Pastor,

I am 58 and my wife is 57. We have been married for 22 years. My wife doesn't have any children but I have two. My wife doesn't like my children. For that reason, they don't come to the house often.

My brother who lives in New York was at my house. My daughter came to visit. My wife showed her 'bad face' and passed a remark that upset my daughter. She told my son about it. He called her and told her some dirty bad words. That has made everything worse. She said my son threatened her. He said it was a lie but admitted telling her bad words.

I have my wife's name on the title at the house where we live. I bought a property and my children's names are on that one. My wife didn't want me to put their names on it. That is what is causing part of the problem. She wants everything for herself. My wife believes I am having an affair with the children's mother. That is not true. From I caught their mother having sex with another man, I left her and never went to bed with her again. However, she and I talk. She never got married. If she needs something and I can help her, I send it to her. I don't hide when I am doing it. I do it for the sake of the children.

My wife and I went to our pastor for counselling and she told the pastor a lot of lies that he had to say to her that if I am such a bad man, why hasn't she divorced me. She didn't answer. When we left she accused the pastor of taking my side.

I am fed up. I would like to have my wife and my children live in peace. My children should be free to come to my house at any time. If my wife is not going to change, I am prepared to divorce her.

Do you believe I am doing the right thing?

E.F.

Dear E.F.,

Your wife should be happy to see that your children and you have a healthy relationship. She should not be jealous of them at all. In fact, she should have adopted them as her very own, so to speak. Her behaviour is childish. I doubt she will change.

Your son was wrong. He shouldn't have told her indecent language. He lost his cool but should always remember she is your wife. He probably threatened her. He is tired of her behaviour. He should apologise to her, but it is unlikely that he will because she has caused him to dislike her.

Greed is going to destroy your wife. She wants everything you have, but you ought to share your assets with your children. She shouldn't have everything.

There are many women just like your wife, who do not like their stepchildren to live or visit the homes of their fathers. Such couples are not happy and will never be happy.

I am not prepared to encourage you to leave your wife. Perhaps you may make an appointment to see another counsellor. He/she should try to meet with your wife, the children and you for a number of sessions. It will take hard work, but I wish you well.

Pastor