Dear Pastor,

Keep up the good work. I am 23 and a single mother. I have a child for a man who is twice my age, but we are no longer in a relationship. He went away and then called me to say that I should move on with my life because he is going to get married. He is not marrying because he wants to get a green card. He has one already. His mother never liked me. The woman he is getting married to is a doctor. She was married twice. His mother likes her and this woman is supporting him because he is not working.

My mother is keeping the baby and I am now living and working in Kingston. I started going to church and the pastor son likes me. But when I told him that I have a child, he said that we can't get married because I am already a mother. He said his father told him that he shouldn't marry a woman who has a child or children because the children may not respect him and their father would be in their life for a long time.

behaves like a saint

I love this guy very much. We had sex on my birthday and when we were finished, he promised that he would think about marrying me because he felt guilty. I asked him how come he behaves as if he is a saint and he surprised me by the things he did to me. Nobody has ever had sex with me that way.

This guy is 25 and lots of girls like him. He told me that his father knows that we are friends but he doesn't know that I have a child. I don't know if I should tell his father that I have a child. I was thinking of taking my child to church with me when I have him for the weekend, so that everybody would know that I am a mother. And I would see how my boyfriend would react. Sometimes I am confused and I don't know what to think.

J.D.

Dear J.D.,

I am glad that your child's father is supporting him. What is annoying and despicable was the reason given to you by your pastor's son why he would not be able to marry you. If he knew that he could not marry you, why did he go so far in the relationship? What I am trying to ask is why did he have sex with you? And from what you have written, he is a thriller. He is a wicked and deceptive.

I don't doubt that his father told him that he shouldn't marry a woman who has had a child. And evidently, he agrees with his father. Why then did he become sexually involved with you? Reporting him to his father won't solve the problem. What you should do is to leave him. Just end the relationship and move on.

However, if his father should ask you any day (which I doubt he would) why both of you are not close friends anymore, proudly tell him that his son told you that he has advised him not to marry a woman who has a child. Take your child to church anytime you are able to do so. Don't fight to keep the relationship with this young man. Who knows, you may find a better man to be your husband in the years ahead.

Pastor